


Ben Solo HATES Rey Jones

by the_captain_of_the_ship



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Marching Band, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, And angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Mention of previous abuse, Really really slow burn, Rey of sunshine, Sloooooooow Burn - Freeform, ben has issues, ben might have a crush on rey, lots and lots of angst, rey is dating finn, slow as molasses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2020-06-28 07:25:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19807504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_captain_of_the_ship/pseuds/the_captain_of_the_ship
Summary: ***** Rating has been changed!!!  *****Yet another WIP that I don't need to start.Ben Solo is first chair of the percussion line, which makes him a big deal.  Rey is a choral student, and she's also the new vocalist for the university's jazz band.  He wears black, she wears rainbows.  He's post-Goth, post-Emo, and she's a ball of light.She's everything he wants, and everything he knows he can't have.So, of course he tells his friends he hates her.





	1. Schism

Ben Solo sits under a tree on the quad, with his physics book open in front of him. He has a stick in each hand, drumming to the beat of Schism on the pages instead of actually reading them. It’s a sunny fall day, so he’s sitting in the shade to protect his signature pale skin. Also, his chosen spot offers the best view of the front doors to the music building. As the first chair percussionist, and the drummer for the university’s jazz band, he needs to know the comings and goings of the other band members. 

At least that’s what he tells himself, anyway. 

He takes little notice of the flautist who’s been trying to get with him for over two years now. He returns immediately to his studying when he sees the first chair trombone player who constantly complains about the noise of the percussion section. He doesn’t really pay much attention to anyone entering or exiting the building, until he hears a familiar laugh. 

He glances up immediately, finding Rey Jones and Finn Storm exiting the building hand in hand. He says something witty, and she giggles up at him before she reaches up to kiss his cheek. Ben doesn’t mean to frown when he sees them, it just always seems to happens. 

“Ahhhh, there’s the new star of the show,” Hux says when he follows Ben’s glare and sees the pair walking toward the quad. Hux glances back at Ben, who says nothing, before turning his attention to Gwen. 

“Those two make the perfect couple. They’re both so attractive and talented,” she agrees. “I’d do things to them they haven’t even seen in porn.” She licks her top lip before winking at Hux. His steel blue eyes return to the entrance, searching for a glimpse of his own crush. 

“One time I hit my music stand with my trumpet and knocked all my music off, and it scattered everywhere. Rey helped me pick it up. She even said, ‘There you go Dopheld.’ She remembered my name,” Mitaka proudly exclaims, and looks around among his group of friends for validation. 

Ben shrugs, before glancing back at the pair. “She’s not all that.” The bitter tone in his deep, rich voice affirms his obvious distaste for her. 

Mitaka inhales loudly, afraid he’s said the wrong thing. “She did call me Dopheld, when everyone knows I like to be called _Mitaka_.” He agrees with Ben. Ben is the leader of the group, after all. 

“She’s pretty enough,” Hux counters. He enjoys arguing with Ben. They have a sort of unspoken competition going on between them. “For a girl,” he qualifies. 

“Is she a girl? Her chest is flatter than yours.” Ben gets a dig in at both Rey and Hux at the same time, and he almost grins at his own wit. 

“Not everyone is as freakishly large as you are Solo,” Hux states as he squares his shoulders. 

“And those three buns she always wears in her hair. Doesn’t she own a curling iron or a hair dryer?” Ben continues.

“Not everyone has the perfect Organa Solo genes. Some people have to make do with what they’ve got,” Gwen replies as she swipes her hand through her short platinum hair. 

“She’s fake. You can look at her and tell she’s faking the smiles and the laughs.” Ben doesn’t have to turn to look at them now. The pair have walked around the corner and are in his line of sight. He watches them with an obvious frown on his pouty lips, until he notices them walking toward him and his friends. He returns his attention to his book, and continues to keep the beat that is always inside his head with his sticks. 

“Oh, hey guys. How’s it going? Are you excited for the first show next week? I can’t wait to go on stage with the jazz band!” Rey says, as bubbly and happy as ever. Ben practically flinches at the sound of her voice. 

Mitaka, on the other hand, looks up at her like the sun just came out on a cloudy day. Gwen eyes her up and down, taking in her long tan legs in the denim shorts she’s wearing, and her toned tummy that peeks out every now and again from under her rainbow unicorn shirt. 

“We don’t really get excited for shows now. Not after so many years of performances,” Hux says, a little less antagonistically than Ben would have. His eyes have strayed from Rey to take in her boyfriend’s broad shoulders. 

“We have a band. We play gigs all the time,” Mitaka blurts out. As soon as he does he gasps, bites his lip, and immediately looks around at his three friends. 

All three of them are silent, but all eyes are definitely on him. Except for Ben’s, who is still staring at the book in front of him. He has stopped drumming, though. 

“Really? I didn’t know,” Rey says, sounding excited and a little curious. “Finn and I love live music.” 

“That’s right Peanut,” Finn agrees, with a light kiss on the top of her head. 

Ben makes a gagging sound that only Hux and Gwen can hear. Hux tries not to laugh. 

“Maybe we could come to a show one evening. What kind of music do you play?” Rey’s eyes sparkle, and her grin somehow becomes even wider. 

Rey is a very outgoing, fun, happy person, the total opposite of Ben. And that obviously unnerves him. 

“We play a lot-“ Mitaka starts.

But he becomes quiet when Ben interrupts, “We don’t play any Taylor Swift or My Sparkle Unicorn, so you wouldn’t be interested.” 

Mitaka looks away, and tries to hide his Starbuck’s Unicorn Frappe. 

“I didn’t know there was a band named My Sparkle Unicorn. Maybe you could send me a link to their YouTube page Ben,” Finn says, with an obvious edge in his tone. 

Ben doesn’t even glance up at Finn as he gives him the finger. 

“We’ll be spending a lot of time together. Maybe we can show you some of our videos on the bus,” Gwen suggests, her right eyebrow cocked suggestively. 

“I’d like that. I guess I’ll see you guys at practice later. Bye guys.” Rey turns and strides away, as confidently as ever. 

Finn stares at Gwen, as if he knows what she’s thinking about his girlfriend. Gwen winks shamelessly. Finn actually stumbles back as his eyes grow wide in apparent shock, before he turns to follow after Rey. 

Gwen makes a _rwor_ noise in the back of her throat before saying, “I’d eat those two alive.”

“We know Gwen. You’ve only said it a thousand times,” Ben mutters.

“Not all of us are blackpilled incels Solo,” Gwen replies sharply. 

“Fuck you,” Ben growls. His frown becomes darker, and he actually folds into himself. 

“Ben is the best looking of all of us. He’s had girls ask him out before. He’s _voluntarily_ celibate,” Mitaka points out. 

“I have better things to do with my time than chase after girls,” Ben grumbles. 

“Like work out,” Hux says, his jealousy obvious.

“I’m sure your obnoxiously perfect hair takes hours,” Gwen teases.

Hux keeps his perceptive gaze on Ben. While all four of the group are music minors, they’ve all chosen a “real profession” as their majors. Hux chose psychology, and it serves him well while dealing with his friends. Most of the time, he uses it to manipulate his friends into doing what he wants. But sometimes he uses it to figure out what they are really thinking, so he can embarrass them in front of the group. Like now. 

“I think Ben has a crush on Rey of Sunshine,” he states, almost proudly.

“No one is that happy, especially no one like _her_.” Ben’s voice is a terrifying rumble when he says it. “I’ll expose the real Rey, the poor sad little orphan girl she’s hiding underneath all that fake exterior. Then I’ll destroy her.” 

Mitaka glares at him, obviously surprised. 

“That’s not a denial,” Hux points out. 

Ben shoves his still unread physics book into his book bag. “Fuck this shit. I’m out.” He stands, and turns to leave. 

But Hux gets in one more dig before he can walk away. “We’ll meet here the same time tomorrow, just in time to watch the choral students exit the building." 

Ben’s jaw moves, obviously dying to say something hurtful. But he holds it in and marches away. 

Hux and Gwen share a knowing look. 

“So Ben has a crush on Rey?” Mitaka asks when he’s gone. 

“Do not repeat that to anyone Mitaka, or so help me I’ll tell everyone about your My Little Pony collection,” Gwen threatens, her tone completely calm. 

“They are my sister’s!” Mitaka exclaims. 


	2. Forty Six & 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's issues are deep. And Rey might have a bit of a dark side.
> 
> Because of upcoming information I have changed Rey's accent! I should have caught it sooner, but Rey is always British. I'm sorry!

Ben is in the back of the room, behind the drum set as usual. He’s wearing jeans and a Tool t-shirt, and he’s playing the drum track to Forty Six & 2 to warm up. He loves Tool, mostly for their intricate rhythm lines. He has his headphones on to cancel out the noise, because he can get loud playing Tool. Gwen joins in on her stand-up bass. 

He’s really getting into it, giving the splash cymbals, tom toms, and snares all they can take. Gwen is moving her shoulders and hips, really feeling the music. He rakes his bottom lip between his teeth, closes his eyes, and loses himself in the song. 

But his eyes pop open when he hears a soft, hesitant voice begin to sing, loud and clear even through the headphones. 

_“Shadow’s shedding skin. I’ve been picking scabs again. I’m down, digging through my own muscles looking for a clue.”_

He looks over at Gwen, who is smiling brighter than he’s seen in a long time. Then he looks in front of him, and finds Rey in her shorts and rainbow shirt staring right at him. She doesn’t have a microphone, but her voice is true and strong. 

_“I’ve been crawling on my belly, clearing out what could have been. I’ve been wallowing in my own confused and insecure delusions. For a piece to cross me over, or a word to guide me in. I wanna feel the changes coming down. I wanna know what I’ve been hiding.”_

He doesn’t tear his eyes from her, playing the song by looking at his instruments out of his periphery vision. He could play it in his sleep really. And he’s damn surprised Little Miss Rey of Sunshine has even heard Tool, much less knows all the words without reading them off a screen. 

And he can’t stop the shiver that racks his body when her voice changes, getting rougher and harsher, when she continues. 

“ _In my shadow. My shadow. Change is coming through my shadow. My shadow’s shedding skin. I’ve been picking my scabs again.”_

She closes her eyes and moves her shoulders to the rhythm, letting the music take her just like he did. She’s wearing the short shorts and the rainbow knee socks showing off all her tan skin, and she’s banging her head, and it’s just fucking **_wrong_**. 

He stops half way through the interlude, and she almost stumbles at the abrupt ending. She straightens up and her eyes pop open, and they immediately meet his. Her hazel eyes are so magical they almost glow with emotion. Her cheeks are as pink as her lips, and her hair is coming out of her buns. She’s a radiant vision of fucking beauty, and it makes him angry. No one who looks like that should know all the words to Forty Six & 2, or sing it so well. 

“You were just getting to the good part,” she complains, in her adorable Texas accent. 

“I can’t remember the rest,” Ben mumbles. 

Gwen gasps audibly, and Rey turns to look at her. She doesn’t call Ben out on his lie, thankfully. She too enthralled with Rey. “Where did you learn Tool?” 

“I went through a phase,” she answers sweetly. 

“You can sing to me any time,” Gwen says, just as she turns toward Ben. He can see the anger flashing in her blue eyes. She didn’t want to stop, and she’s mad that Ben gave up in the middle of the song. 

He merely shrugs, and places his sticks on his stool before he saunters off. He doesn’t have to see Gwen to know she’s rolling her eyes at him. Or that she’s flirting shamelessly with Rey. 

Everyone knew that the jazz band would need a new vocalist, since Bazine graduated last year. But he wasn’t expecting someone like Rey Jones. Someone so pretty, and feminine, and soft. Someone who could sing Billie Holiday _and_ Maynard James Keenan. A girl who looks like she stepped right out of his manic pixie fantasies. 

He slams the door to the bathroom open, and stands in front of the urinal. He doesn’t have to use it, which is good because he’s already sporting wood. It’s so fucking embarrassing, the inability to control his own body’s reactions. To Rey Jones, of all people. To a girl he hates. He just needs to stand here in silence for a minute, and let his erection go down. 

And Gwen! Gwen is probably standing out there chatting her up, being all social and not awkward in the least. She’s supposed to be his friend, his _oldest_ friend besides Hux. She’s supposed to have his back, not go crushing on the girl he likes. 

“Fuck!” he exclaims, and punches the wall with the side of his fist. 

He cannot, _will not_ , fall for Rey Jones. He remembers the last time he fell for a girl like that, all kittens and rainbows with a sweet smile and a bubbly personality. It was when he was a sophomore in high school. She was a cheerleader, a year older than him, with blonde hair and blue eyes and the sexiest athletic body he’d ever seen. He started working out to impress her. He even thought about quitting the band and trying out for football. 

Ben sent her roses and asked her to the spring dance, and she mocked him right to his face and told him she was going with the quarterback. The teasing and hazing he took because of that lasted for weeks, until his dad came to his school to give a talk about drugs or some stupid shit, and the football players realized his dad was _the_ Han Solo. 

When Gwen found out about his crush, she told him the cheerleader had already been with half of the softball team and several of the football players. Her sweet innocent exterior was as fake as her hair. The quarterback she went to the dance with didn’t get a scholarship to play football in college, and she ended up pregnant before she graduated high school. He knew it wasn’t karma, just bad choices. Still he felt a bit of schadenfreude at her troubles. 

The experience taught him two things. Don’t ever trust a female, and don’t ever have sex. 

So how did he find himself in the same situation again? How did he always seem to notice the girls who tried so hard to seem cheerful and happy? How could he let this happen?

He hears the door swing open, and he acts like he’s zipping his pants. He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s standing over the urinal thinking. 

“So you forgot the drum line to Forty Six & 2?” Hux asks as he walks up to the urinal beside him. 

Ben’s glad he wasn’t in the middle of anything. He hates the stares he gets when he’s taking a piss. Why do men have to look at other guy’s dicks anyway? It’s creepy. 

He ignores Hux’s question and turns to the sink to wash his hands. Even if he wasn’t doing anything he doesn’t want Hux to think he’s unhygienic. 

“She sounded really good, singing your favorite song,” Hux calls out just as Ben gets to the door.

Ben opens it as he speaks. “Fuck off, Hux. I don’t give a shit about little miss nobody.” 

He sees Rey entering the ladies’ room as he steps out into the hall. She glances back at him, a question in her eyes. Ben stops walking and simply looks at her, imagining he can see the hurt in her eyes. Yes, she probably heard him, and guessed who he was talking about. She sighs and closes the door behind her. 

He rolls his eyes and continues toward the practice room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!


	3. Thank U, Next

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***CHAPTER WARNING***  
> There is some bullying in this chapter, in which Ben is called some things alluding to his sexuality in a derogatory way. I'm sorry. :( Just wanted to write a "realistic" situation over which they could bond. Apologies in advance.

They don’t have any classes together. They don’t hang in the same social circles. They have one extra-curricular activity together. So it’s hard for Ben to even catch a glimpse of her outside of jazz band. 

When he heard her talking to a friend in the cafeteria about switching shifts at the all-night diner off-campus, he listened. And on Friday night at two, after the band’s gig, he finds himself sitting in the parking lot of the diner. He looks inside for several moments, watching her clean tables and roll silverware. There are six or seven students sitting at two tables, and two or three working stiffs eating at the counter. 

_It’s fine. Just go in and order food_ , he tells himself. After two people leave the counter and pay, he decides to go in. 

As soon as he enters the restaurant he can hear a young man yelling, “Waitress! Waitress! I spilled my drink!” Ben looks over at him and finds the asshole pouring a soda onto the floor. 

This is the perfect time to find out if she really _is_ happy and perky all the time. 

She practically runs toward table with a rag in one hand and paper towels in the other. Ben tries not to look obvious as he watches her clean up the mess while the students laugh. 

That’s when he realizes the punk who dumped the soda is on the football team. Ben brings his phone out of his pocket and tries to get a picture without any of them noticing. But, as luck would have it…

“Hey look! It’s the coach’s queer band geek!” the asshole yells. 

At the same moment Rey looks up from her position on the floor. He can see the same hurt and disappointment he saw the other day, and he feels his heart skip a beat. She returns to cleaning up the mess, and Ben doesn’t say anything. 

Ben gets the pic and sends it to his dad’s phone, and shoves it into the pocket of his jacket before he’s surrounded by the asshole and three of his teammates. Ben doesn’t act like he notices them, he just calmly reaches for a menu. 

“Hey fag, I’m talking to you!” the asshole says. 

This isn’t the first time Ben’s had to deal with this situation, and he’s sure it won’t be the last. He doesn’t understand why guys feel the need to prove they’re stronger, or why they need a pack of them to do it. 

He glances back at Rey, who is staring at him now. Her lips are parted, as if she’s about to say something, or she’s struggling to breathe. Her eyes are glassy, and her cheeks are flushed. Ben remembers getting harder than he’d ever been the last time he saw her looking at him like that. He feels a jolt of emotion hit the back of his neck and seep down his spine, but he can’t let himself _feel_ it. Not right now. He’s too worried about the fuckwads surrounding him and harassing Rey. 

“I said…” The main asshole puts his hand on Ben’s shoulder, and that’s all it takes. 

Ben grabs his wrist, and stands up to use his height and weight as leverage. Ben twists the jerk’s arm, and he cries out in shock or pain. When one of the other guys moves to stop him, Ben grabs his throat with his free hand and squeezes just hard enough to get his attention. That’s the good thing about being a musician, he had to train himself to be ambidextrous. 

“What were you saying?” Ben growls darkly. He puts a little more pressure on the other guy’s shoulder. Not enough to pop it, just enough to make him fall to his knees. “Is that your throwing arm? Your catching arm?” Ben continues in the same dark tone. 

“Stop man, stop!” the guy pleads. The other guy’s face is turning red, and Ben wonders if he’s getting enough oxygen to even say anything. 

“We’re done, dude. We won’t bother you,” a teammate says as he back away. The girls they were with are already scurrying out the door. 

“Who’s going to pay?” Ben asks as he releases the dumbasses. 

“I will dude,” another guy offers as he pulls out his wallet. “Just don’t tell your dad,” he pleads as he leaves a hundred on the counter. 

They scurry away as quickly as they can, like the fucking insects they are. And Rey is still kneeling on the ground looking up at Ben. He continues to stare at her for several moments, feeling the adrenaline and the hormones mix to spike his awareness of her. Her position beneath him, her parted lips, her bright hazel eyes. It’s overwhelming. It’s more than he can handle. 

“I’m sorry,” Ben mutters as he strides toward the door. 

“Wait,” she calls out. 

He stops suddenly, but doesn’t turn toward her again. He can’t look at her and keep his sanity intact. Her voice contains some kind of magic. When she sings she’s amazing, but when she speaks it’s even better. Her tone is enchanting, and her accent is perfect, and he’s sure she uses it to manipulate everyone around her, including him. 

“Aren’t you hungry?” She’s closer to him, he can tell. 

He feels like he should say something. He’s racking his brain to try to remember if he’s ever actually said anything to her, in conversation anyway. Being a sarcastic asshole around other people doesn’t really count. 

He sighs and forces out the words, “Not now.” 

“Would you mind staying for a little while? Maybe have a cup of coffee or juice on me?” She takes a step closer. “In case they come back?” 

He thinks about it for a minute, staring out the front window at the cars screeching out of the parking lot. “I don’t think they will,” he answers. 

“Sure. Okay. Thanks for being here,” she says, her bright tone returning. 

He hears her shoes squeak on the floor. He remembers the mess the jocks left behind. He looks around at the now empty diner, and realizes she might actually need a hand, or some company. “Are you the only one working?”

“Well Walt is in the kitchen but I think he sleeps back there until I ring the bell to let him know there’s an order.” He can hear the grin in her voice. He can practically smell the mirth rolling off her. She shouldn’t be this happy to be stuck here, cleaning up this mess those assholes created. 

“Then I’ll take a large coke. And I’ll help you out, if you want.” 

She walks around the counter and grabs the hundred, before shoving it in her apron. She fills a cup with ice and soda, before setting it down in front of a stool. She grabs a little black book, then she walks toward the cash register and punches buttons while reading her notes. 

“Who’s your dad?” she asks, as she’s doing all of this. 

“Han Solo,” I answer almost automatically as I take a seat. 

“Football coach, huh?” she mutters, showing she’s paying attention. “Must be rough.” She glances at Ben for a second with a sympathetic grin, before returning to the register. 

“It’s usually alright.” He puts a straw in his drink and takes a sip. No one else has understood immediately how hard it can be to have a former pro football player slash college coach dad, and play in the band. No one until Rey Jones. 

She makes the change for the hundred and tucks it away in her apron. “At least this will make up for some of the mess,” she says with a smile. 

“I’ll give you a hand. It’s no big deal.” He stands when she walks around the counter. He tries to keep his eyes above her neck, but he can’t help taking in her tight capri jeans that emphasize her pert ass, or the lime green t-shirt that barely hits at her waist. He tries to pull his eyes up to hers when she turns to face him, but he’s afraid she’s caught him staring. He can feel the tips of his ears tingling and heating, turning bright red. 

“How are you with a broom and a mop?” she asks with one eyebrow cocked up. 

“I can learn,” he says thoughtfully. 

“Never did chores at home, huh? Do you have a stay at home mom who takes care of everything while your dad’s out coaching his testosterone driven sport?” Her tone is bright and happy, in direct contrast to the deeper meaning behind her words. 

“Hardly,” he mutters, following her. If she didn’t already know that his mother was Senator Leia Organa, he wasn’t going to tell her. His mother was raised in privilege that most people could never comprehend. She’s probably never washed a dish in her life, and there was no way her son would do housework. 

“I wouldn’t usually let some guy help out like this, but the longer it takes me to clean when the next shift gets here, the less time I get to sleep before the game.” She walks over to the jukebox and feeds it quarters. Her choice of music is upbeat, like her. She even begins to sing along and dance to _thank u, next_. 

He feels his heart lurch at her statement. She was going to the game? She’d be in the stands watching him perform? Not that he was worried about it, of course. He’d been performing with bands since sixth grade. 

“You’re in the marching band, aren’t you? You won’t get much sleep either if you stick around helping me.” She says it as she hands him a broom and dust pan. 

He’s seen people do this, of course. How hard can it be? “Yea, but I rarely sleep anyway,” he admits. 

“Well, you are an attractive college student. I bet you have a lot to do,” she murmurs before she quickly turns and heads toward the back of the restaurant. 

He thinks about following her, _correcting_ her. But he stands frozen in the spot. She thinks he’s attractive? That definitely makes his ears burn bright red. 

He sweeps the floor while she buses the tables the students intentionally left in a terrible mess. He would definitely let his dad know what they did. 

She makes mop water, and she has to show him how to use the bucket. He mops the floor while she wipes tables and rolls silverware. And at 3:15 after they’ve both nearly finished their work, she orders a breakfast plate from Walt, and carries it to a booth in the corner. 

“Come on. You worked hard. You can share this with me,” she suggests, when she brings a fresh coke and a large orange juice to the table. 

He stares at it for several moments, then looks at her. She’s smiling, happy that she can repay his hard work. 

“Thanks,” he says, as he takes the seat across from hers. 

She splits the food up, giving him the sausage and keeping the bacon for herself. “The sausage is too spicy for me,” she tells him. 

He doesn’t admit that he prefers bacon over sausage too. He just smothers it in syrup, and shoves it with a bite of pancake in his mouth. 

“I can’t thank you enough for helping out,” she says, through bites of hash browns. 

“Doesn’t your boyfriend hang out late at night?” he asks, before he can stop himself. Because it’s really none of his business.

“Finn’s a morning person, not a night owl. I usually work the breakfast shift, but a friend’s kid is sick and she didn’t want to leave him with a babysitter. Besides that, I get Saturday off.” 

He chews as he thinks about what she’s said. She does seem to try to find the positive in most situations. He wishes he’d been born with that super power.

“Where’d you learn to do the…” She makes a chocking move with her hand at her throat. 

“I had to learn karate for self-defense. Sometimes football players can be dicks,” Ben mutters around a mouthful of food. “I guess I don’t have to tell you that.”

“Nope, I’ve got a few stories of my own.” She sighs before popping a piece of bacon in her mouth. “But they rarely end as well as this one did.” She gives him a shy, almost private grin. 

It hurts his heart, knowing what he knows about her. She must have some really shitty stories, growing up an orphan in foster care. How does she act so carefree all the time?

She continues to chat happily, talking about the set list for the performance, how much she loves singing the songs, and how happy she is that she was chosen as the vocalist. She seemed truly excited about performing, something he hadn’t felt in years. 

There was no contest. She was the best to try out by far. Everyone in the room was blown away by her rendition of Norah Jones’ _Sunrise_. Including himself. He knew as soon as he heard her audition he’d fall hard. She was pretty, and perfect, and she felt the music in a way he didn’t anymore. The fact that Finn was there to hug her afterward and kiss her forehead let him know that just like before he didn’t stand a chance with this girl. 

But he is still determined to reveal the real Rey, no matter what. That’s what he tells himself anyway, as he watches her eat like she hadn’t in days. Maybe that’s why she’s so thin? He shakes his head, not wanting to think about that. She has a boyfriend who’s supposed to worry about stuff like that. 

On that painful thought he realizes it’s time for him to go before he says something he shouldn’t. “Thanks for the food,” he says as he moves to exit the booth. 

“Thanks for the help,” she replies brightly. 

“What are you gonna do with your Saturday off?” he asks before he hits the exit. 

“You’ll see,” she replies proudly, as she carries their empty plates to the back. 

He sighs as he pushes the door open, and heads out into the still warm fall night. He doesn’t think seeing more of her would be good for his sanity, but he still hopes he does. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope I'm forgiven. If you liked it (or didn't) drop me a comment.


	4. Lose My Breath

The band is lining up to march out onto the field for the fight song. Ben is toward the back, in the drum line. He’s wearing the five drum setup, and he’s glad he’s spent so much time working out. He has to stand perfectly straight, while carrying and playing the drums. He had to have his set up tweaked because there aren’t many 6’3” drummers, apparently. 

As usual his dad walks up and gives his shoulders a squeeze. “Proud of ya, kid.” It’s what he says before every game, kind of their good luck ritual. Then he leans closer and says, “Those damn boys will be running laps for weeks, trust me.” 

“Thanks Dad,” Ben says as he scrunches up into the half hug. 

“I can’t believe they treated that sweet Rey Jones that way. If I could I’d kick their asses.” 

And of course, somehow Han Solo knows Rey too. Ben tries hard to not roll his eyes _or_ shake his head. 

“But from what I hear, the coach’s son made them regret their actions in a very embarrassing way.” He says it with a chuckle. But Ben knows that’s not where it will end. “I should be pissed. You could have dislocated that kid’s shoulder.” 

“Maybe he’ll know not to touch a _band queer_ again.” 

Han laughs, but it makes Ben feel even more broody. “I think they learned their lesson. If you didn’t show them, they’ll figure it out real fast. They always seem to straighten out after you’ve kicked a few asses.” 

“I shouldn’t have to,” Ben grumbles. 

“You’re a good kid, standing up for what’s right. Now I’ve got to go win a football game.” That’s how he always ends these little talks, and he usually does. 

He broods for a few more moments, until a girl in a crimson dress and black heels walks in front of him. He doesn’t have to look up. He knows who it is. He can almost _smell_ her. And he’d know those long, tan legs anywhere. Just a glance at her sexy calves makes it hard for him to breathe. 

And he thinks the dress is somehow familiar, too. But he can’t place where he’s seen it before. 

“Thanks for last night,” she says, when she stops right in front of his drum kit. 

“Sure,” Ben mumbles. And he immediately looks to his left, where he knows Gwen will be standing, holding her cymbals. Her blue eyes meet his, and they are as round as saucers. He just knows she will say something, so he’s trying an _if looks could kill_ look on her. But it doesn’t work. 

“Last night?” Gwen exclaims, before looking back at Rey. 

“He stopped by the-“ she starts, but is interrupted by the drum major. 

“Ms. Jones, I need you for a moment,” Marty says. 

“Thanks again Ben,” Rey says, before she turns around and hurries off. He can see the swish of the dress as she walks away. He can’t help but wonder how it would feel against his skin, as he ran his hands up her athletic thighs. 

Ben has a sneaking suspicion he knows why Rey is at the game. He tips his head down, acting like he’s messing with his kit. But Gwen doesn’t take his hint that he doesn’t want to talk. 

“So, what happened last night Ben?” Gwen demands. 

“Yes Ben, what did happen last night?” Hux asks, holding his mallets. Of course they would pile on him. He’s sure if Mitaka was in the percussion section he’d be having a field day too. Or he might be defending Ben. Mitaka is a wild card, for sure. 

“Isn’t it time to go out on the field? It’s so fucking hot today,” Ben says, pulling at his collar and trying to ignore his friends. At that exact moment Marty the drum major blows his whistle, and they all stand at attention. 

“We _will_ find out what you did last night,” Hux warns. 

Since Ben is the head of the drum line, he is in the center of the line that includes quads and snares, and behind his line are the cymbals and bass drums. 

They file out onto the field first playing the drum part of _Lose My Breath,_ which the moms in the stands usually love. And it’s fitting today, because Rey definitely had him catching his breath. Even though he didn’t even look at her, really see her, it was enough to affect him. 

Once the drum line is in the center of the field and stationary, the rest of the band files on as the fight song starts. Once he gets into the music and has to concentrate on his movements, his short and embarrassingly awkward encounter with Rey is all but forgotten. 

Until the PA announcer comes over the loud speaker and introduces today’s solo singer. “To honor our nation, please stand and remove your caps. And give a warm welcome to a freshman here. The university’s very own Rey Jones will perform our National Anthem.” 

Ben’s heart falls into his shoes, then begins to race up his spine when he sees her walking toward him. Since the drum line is in the middle of the field where the university’s logo is prominent, it would make sense that she would stand right in front of him. She even looks him right in the eyes, and almost grins, before turning to face the television cameras. 

She looks incredible, with her hair down around her shoulders. He’s seeing her in makeup for the first time, and it looks really good on her. And the dress is flattering and form fitting without being inappropriately sexy. He’s sure he’s seen the dress before. 

His heart pounds as loud as his drums as he starts the drumroll, after she’s in position. Mitaka plays the trumpet solo. 

Then her voice joins in. She comes in at the perfect time which is shocking since she did not practice with the band. How were they not warned she would be singing? How did the director not want her to practice this at least once? How was she as perfect and her voice as true as usual? 

She’s standing in front of Ben with her back to him, and for the first time he can stare at her all he wants without worrying about feeling creepy if he gets caught. Her hair moves around her shoulders, wisps and tendrils floating around her pretty face. Her dress floats around her knees, as if it was made for dancing. She turns to the side for a moment, and Ben swears she’s looking at him. 

He misses a beat, for the first time in years, and it throws him completely off his rhythm. He has to pause, close his eyes, take a breath, and start again. How does this slip of a girl always seem to do this to him? 

She hits the high notes effortlessly, and it stings his chest and makes his eyes water. How did she get so perfect? So perfect for him? How did she start from nothing, from _nowhere_ , and become such a shooting star? 

How is it that she’s with someone else? Before he even got a chance to ask her out. He’s watching her perform her heart out, and all he can think about is how much he wishes he could hug her after, like Finn did after her audition. 

He’s actually relieved when she’s finished, like he can actually breathe again. 

She knows she did a good job. She’s smiling when she’s finished, and when she turns to wave at the other side of the crowd she catches Ben’s eyes and gives him a smile, all dimples and sparkling hazel eyes. His heart stops for a moment, and when she turns to walk away it starts back up. 

It’s almost torture what she does to him, how she makes him feel. Just with a smile she ruins him. It takes him a moment to recover, he barely hears the drum major’s whistle. And he’s the one who is supposed to start the band back up again so they can march off the field. 

He barely catches himself, starting up the band with a click of his sticks. Then the band is playing, and marching, and he’s forgetting Rey again. They leave the field and take their seats as they do during every game. The band plays the fight songs, and the drum line songs, and all the other songs they play while the games are going on. And they perform at half time, and everything is fine. For a little while anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting. :)


	5. Coming in the Air Tonight

Ben is playing one of his favorite drum heavy songs to perform and sing. Gwen does some of the singing, and Hux is good at the background vocals, but Ben is the one who ends up doing most of it. Ben is especially good at the screaming stuff. Like Phil Collins he’s not the best singer but he’s good enough. 

_“I can feel it comin’ in the air tonight, oh Lord. And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord.”_

At that moment the crowd of about thirty college kids shifts, and standing right in his line of sight is Rey and Finn. She’s swaying to the beat, _his_ beat, and he can see her lips moving along to the song. 

_“Can you feel it comin’ in the air tonight, oh Lord? Oh Lord!”_

It feels like this might be his moment to impress her. This might be the time that Ben can show her he’s that good, that he’s worth something. That he’s worthy of _her_. 

He tries to tear his eyes from her, but he can’t. She’s wearing a tiny little hot pink skirt that is way too short, red and white striped knee socks, a lacy red tank top with flowers on it, and what used to be white Chucks that look older than her. She’s still wearing the makeup from earlier, and her hair is still down. As always, she looks incredible. 

He sings his heart out, channeling his energy toward his unrequited love. And when he gets to the drum solo he puts all his heart and soul into it. He even twirls his drum sticks like a teenager trying to impress a girl. And being the ripe old age of 24 he shouldn’t be acting that way, even though he usually does whenever she’s around. 

When the song is over he grabs a bottle of water to soothe his throat and chugs half of it in one gulp. 

Gwen steps up to the microphone. “We are First Order! I’m Captain Phasma!” She gets modest applause and actually smiles. “That’s the Lord of Edge,” she says as she points at Mitaka on the guitar. “On the keyboard is General Hugs, and on the drums is our Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. We’re gonna take a ten minute break, and we’ll be back with some darker, harder stuff. Just the way you like it!” She gets another round of applause and a few squeals before she leaves the stage.

Ben sees Rey lean over and whisper something in Finn’s ear, and he shakes his head. She nods vigorously, then points right at Ben. He’d almost forgotten they were all wearing makeup, like a cheap college indie version of Kiss only with no pyrotechnics and no groupies. Although, Ben had to admit his tongue was pretty long. 

He grabs the bottle of water and his drumsticks, and heads off the stage behind Gwen. He hears “Phasma!” called out in Rey’s magical voice, and he stops suddenly. 

“Well hello pussy cat,” Gwen says in her smokiest, sexiest tone. Rey approaches with her hand in Finn’s, as it usually is when they’re together. Gwen pays absolutely no attention, and grabs her up in a bear hug that is probably too tight to be socially acceptable. Gwen has had more than three beers, and is probably headed to the bar for another. 

One of the perks of playing in a college bar is free drinks, as long as they drink the watered down lite beer on tap. Ben would rather die than drink that swill, but he can afford to buy his own drinks. All of them could, really, but Phasma actually enjoys what comes out of the kegs. Mitaka doesn’t drink at all. 

And Hux, well he enjoys weed maybe a little too much sometimes. Like tonight, apparently. “Oh, look. It’s our jazz goddess Rey of Sunshine!” He actually goes in for a hug too, and Rey side steps like a pro, so that he ends up hugging Finn. And from the look on Hux’s face he’s perfectly okay with it. “I am General Hugs, after all,” he says with a wink at Rey. 

Rey bites her bottom lip to keep from giggling. 

“I told you it was them!” Rey insists, after Hux gives Finn a final squeeze and releases him. 

“I didn’t think you guys would wear the makeup and everything,” Finn says with a chuckle. 

An Asian girl bounces up to join them, and grabs Rey’s other hand. 

“Kinky,” Gwen murmurs, with a purr. 

“Hi Mitaka, Gwen, Hux, and Supreme Leader Kylo Ben!” she say excitedly. “I’m Rose.” Everyone stares at her blankly. “I’m a freshman saxophone player.” 

“Ahhh well, greetings freshman,” Hux says as he leans in to give her a hug. When she looks at him as if he’s lost his mind, he supplies, “General Hugs.” 

“That is such a cute name for someone who’s wearing makeup straight out of _Danger Days_. You even have the hair!” 

Hux laughs. “The most underrated album from MCR,” he tells her, before he lets her go and walks toward the bathroom. 

“And you, you look more _Black Parade_ ,” she says to Ben as he tries to sneak away. 

Ben shrugs his response, and follows behind Hux. Before he gets too far away he hears Gwen say, “We’ll play _Forty Six & 2_ if you sing with us. Ben loves the song, but he never gets the notes quite right.” 

“I don’t know…” she says. 

“Do it!” Finn encourages. 

“Yea, you should definitely…”

That’s all Ben hears before he's in the bathroom, with Hux. 

“Hiding from Rey of Sunshine again?” he asks as he finishes his business. “Gonna act like you don’t know the drum line to your favorite song of all time again?” 

“Literally, honestly, and truly, fuck you.” Hux chuckles. “From the bottom of my dark soul. Fuck you so very much.” 

“If only you would, big man,” Hux mutters. 

Damn, he’d forgotten how Hux is on weed. Thank God he only does it when he’s at gigs. He could definitely not handle General Hugs 24/7. “Dial it down to eight Hugs.” 

“I swear I will not say anything about your crush in front of Rey of-“ He stops suddenly when the door opens. 

“Gwen is out there trying to recruit _you-know-who_ to sing for the band,” Mitaka says hurriedly, as if he’s about to have a panic attack. 

“With the band?” Ben corrects.

“Yes, as in _with_ the band,” Mitaka says. 

“Fuck! I can’t handle high Hugs _and_ drunk Phasma tonight,” Ben grumbles as he exits the bathroom without actually using it. 

“Do you guys want a drink from the bar?” Gwen is asking the underage threesome as Ben returns to the group. 

“I’m having soda thanks,” Rey answers as she holds up the bottle. 

“I’ll have a beer,” Finn says. Rey gives him a cautious look, but he merely shrugs. “What? It’s free beer, Peanut. Live a little.”

That’s when another, older Asian girl joins the group. And this one he knows. He should have figured out who Rose was as soon as he saw her, she looks so much like her older sister Paige. 

The dress makes sense now. He’s sure it’s Paige’s. She performs with the show choir, and that’s the dress they wore two years ago. He remembers distinctly because after one of the shows Paige tried to make out with Ben. It didn’t end well. 

“Hey Ben,” Paige says casually. 

“Hey Paige,” Ben answers, as he steps up onto the tiny stage. 

“If you want a beer you have to help pack the equipment after the show. That’s the rules,” Gwen explains before she walks toward the bar. Finn nods excitedly. 

Ben gets the feeling this is going to be the worst night of his life, especially when Rey steps up onto the stage right behind him. Ben stops half way to his stool and gives her a _what are you doing_ look. 

“Gwen practically begged me to sing. She said it’s your favorite song.” She clears her throat, and just stares at him. He has a hard time finding words, apparently always when she’s around. “How’d you forget it the other day?” 

She’s speaking to him, and he still hasn’t sat down. It’s like he’s frozen in place, by her voice, her aura. 

“I don’t…” Ben begins. 

“He had to use the bathroom. Too much water, not enough greens if you know what I mean,” Hux says as he takes his place behind his keyboard setup. He has a synthesizer, keyboard, computer, and all kinds of strange technological things in there. He can’t play all that in the marching band, so he plays the xylophone. He hates it, but he makes the instrument sing. When Rey looks at him like she has no idea what he means, he holds his thumb and index finger to his lips. 

“Ah,” she says, and looks back at Ben. 

“I don’t.” She cocks an eyebrow at him. “Well, three or four times. One time at band camp…” he says as he looks down at his kit. He finally sits down when she laughs out loud. 

“That’s funny,” she says, her eyes glittering. Ben almost tips his lips up at her. 

Mitaka and Gwen join them, and Gwen begins playing the bass riff to _Forty Six & 2_. Ben feels a shiver down the back of his neck. He knows he’s anticipating the emotions he’s going to feel when he hears her sing _his_ song. But still, he starts in with the cymbals. The next thing he knows he’s being hypnotized by Rey’s voice. And when he looks away from her to survey the crowd, he sees that everyone else is reacting the same way. She has everyone in the bar in the palm of her hand. 

Especially Ben. 

When the song is over, she gets roaring applause. That's when Ben knows for sure he’s thoroughly and irreversibly fucked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this what's commonly known as a "slow burn"? I'm just not sure. What do you think?


	6. Treat You Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think we've already realized how screwed Ben is... Let's see if it can get worse. :)

“So, are you a psychology major?” Rey asks Ben, as she twines microphone cord over her elbow. 

“No,” Ben replies gruffly. He doesn’t even look at her. 

“Because the song, the Tool song, is very heavy in Jungian theory,” she continues. “Most Tool songs are, you know.” 

Ben stops what he’s doing, and just stares at her. 

“I haven’t seen you in the psychology building,” Hux says as he walks past with one of his many cases. 

“I’ve thought about it, but I don’t want to double major. It costs too much,” she says, as she lays a perfectly twined cord into its case, then adds the microphone with it. 

“So you’re a music major,” Gwen says as she wheels an amp across the stage. Finn is behind her with another. He stumbles over a cord, then chuckles. 

_Mother fucking drunk and high people are the bane of my existence,_ Ben thinks to himself. Then he glances up at Rey who he knows didn’t have a drink of alcohol all night. Well that doesn’t help with his theory that she has to have a flaw somewhere. 

“Yep I’m all music all the time,” she replies, although Gwen isn’t really playing attention. But Ben obviously is. 

Rose and Paige are sitting at a table with their phones in front of them. Every so often Ben feels Paige’s eyes on him. When he looks up she quickly looks away. _And that’s not awkward at all_. 

He’s got most of the packing up of his kit down to an art. It isn’t as time consuming as it once was, but it’s still a pain in the ass. He leaves it overnight sometimes, but as long as Rey is here, he figures he should keep an eye on her. Finn definitely isn’t going to. He’s had one too many beers, and Ben is afraid that’s what Gwen wanted. 

“So, what is your major? Music? Performance?” she asks, while twining another cord around her elbow. 

“No,” Ben replies. 

“He’s a physics major,” Hux supplies. “Huge brain, little…” 

“Hux,” Ben snaps, harshly. 

“Just kidding, it’s huge,” Hux finishes with a wink. He even holds his two index fingers apart in a length that Ben has to look at twice. At first he thinks Hux is exaggerating. Then he realizes it’s about right, and wonders how Hux could make such an accurate estimation of his dick length. 

Rey’s eyes go wide, and she exclaims, “You’re joking!” Hux shakes his head, so she looks at Ben who immediately looks away. “He’s joking, right?” 

“Ben is shy, Rey of Sunshine.” Hux says it so seriously, Ben thinks he might have sobered up a little. Until he continues. “But one time, at band camp…”

“Enough!” Ben yells. Everyone stops what they’re doing, and looks at Ben. Including Rose and Paige. And Ben hates being the center of attention, unless he’s got his drums in front of him of course. “Fuck this, I’m out.” Ben suddenly realizes he says this a lot to his _so called_ friends. 

“He’s calmer when he’s on his meds,” Hux says. 

“Stop Hux,” Gwen says, as Ben turns away with a pained look on his face. When Hux opens his mouth again, Gwen puts her big body right in front of him. “I said stop. Don’t make me embarrass you in front of our new friends.” 

Hux saunters away, his cheeks as red as his hair. 

“Ben is a really nice guy. He’s always standing up for me. One time when we were all four freshman, a group of seniors thought they were gonna haze me and Gwen. You know, _haze_ ,” he emphasizes the word, making his meaning very clear. “When Ben found out he made sure the seniors knew they would have to deal with him if anyone touched a freshman in his class. And Ben, you know, he’s very physically intimidating.” Mitaka looks from Ben to Rey, and back to the amp he’s rolling off stage. 

“Dopheld, I meant to tell you that you are a crazy good musician.” It’s obvious that Rey is trying to change the subject. “I thought you played the trumpet good, but I was floored to hear you play guitar. You’re incredible.” 

Mitaka’s face lights up at her praise, as if he rarely hears it. “And you are an amazing vocalist,” he says with a nod. 

“You’re all good, really. Gwen, your bass was spot on,” Rey continues. 

Gwen winks. “Of course pussy cat. I’m the best!” 

“And Ben, you’re just fantastic. Tool is just so incredibly hard. I wonder if you ever play Stinkfist.” She’s obviously trying to console Ben, to calm him down. 

He’s carrying two of his drums and one of his stands, and he looks like he might throw it like a javelin at Hux if he says one more word. 

“Can I help you?” Rey asks as she slowly approaches Ben. 

“I’ve got it,” Ben replies, as he slows down. He looks over his shoulder at Hux, who is again in his own little corner. 

“I’m stronger than I look. Just tell me what to carry,” Rey offers. 

“Grab the stool,” Ben says, begrudgingly. 

She grabs it and another cymbal stand, and follows him out to the parking lot. When they’re alone, in the cool fall night air, he seems to relax just a little. 

“Aren’t you tired?” he asks her, almost as an afterthought. 

“I’m completely wrecked,” she says with a bit of a laugh. “Aren’t you?” 

Ben huffs, and walks up to a gorgeous SUV. Without even touching anything the back opens, and he continues loading his equipment. 

“Nice car,” she says, and he turns his shoulder toward the back of the car so he’s facing away from her. “You don’t take compliments well, do you?” He doesn’t answer her, but even from where she’s standing she can see his frown deepen. “Hux was right. You are shy.”

“Hux has never been right about anything in his life,” Ben counters. He reaches for his stool, but she holds onto it. He looks up at her, and she’s smiling at him. He shakes his head, but he can feel the corners of his lips tip up. “I’m not _shy_. I’m cautious.” She bites her bottom lip to keep from laughing, but he can see her chest move. “There’s a difference.” 

She allows him to have the stool, and he moves around to the front of the car to place it in the passenger seat. “I can see why you need such a big car. I’m glad I don’t need a lot of equipment, just my voice. I couldn’t afford it anyway.” 

“You don’t play an instrument?” Ben asks, as he lays the cymbal stand in the floor of the back seat. 

“I play the piano okay, but I didn’t have lessons or anything,” she admits. “I’m not as good as Hux.”

“Hux has been playing piano since he was three. Not many people are as good as him.” He closes the car up and returns to the bar for more. They take two more trips together, and finally his drums are loaded. Then two more trips after that and the microphone equipment and stands, which Rey learned were all Ben’s, are loaded up as well. 

“Thanks for your help,” he says when they’re finished. 

“Aren’t you gonna help Hux?” Rey asks when he moves to get into his car. 

“That asshole can carry his own shit,” Ben replies harshly. 

“Bee-eeen,” Rey says, in a singsong kind of way that hits him right in his heart. “That’s not being very nice to your friend.” 

“He wasn’t very nice to me,” Ben counters, in the same tone a toddler would take. His full bottom lip even juts out. 

“Come on. I’ll help,” she says, and tips her shoulder into his arm. “Come on, Ben.” She wraps her arm around his, and pulls him toward the back exit of the bar. 

He relents, but only because it’s Rey that’s asking. And she has her arm linked with his. And he can almost imagine, for an insomnia-induced crazy second, that she’s actually _his_. 

“Hey Peanut, we’re all headed to the diner for greasy fried foods that aren’t good for us,” Finn says as he exits the bar behind Gwen. 

And that’s all Ben needs to bring him back to reality.

“Damn it, Finn. I’m so not hungry,” Rey says loudly. “And I’m so fucking tired,” she continues under her breath when she realizes Finn isn’t listening. 

Ben glances down at her, this small slip of a girl who already has him wrapped around her finger, as tightly as her arm is wrapped around his. 

“Mitaka could take you home, if you like. And he won’t bother you or anything.” Rey scrapes her bottom lip between her teeth, thinking about the offer. “And I swear if he touches you I will dropkick him into next week.” 

She glances back at Ben’s car for a split second. Ben really hopes she doesn’t ask him to take her home, because he couldn’t say no and he really doesn’t want to embarrass himself any further tonight. 

“Sure, I think that would be alright,” she says, as they move closer to Finn and Gwen. She calls out, “Hey Finn, Mitaka’s gonna take me home, probably.”

“Cool. He’s cool.” Finn looks up at Gwen. “He’s cool, right? Not pervy?” 

“I think Mitaka is the complete opposite of pervy,” Gwen answers. 

“Then it’s settled. Text me and let me know when you get home,” he says, and walks to join Rose and Paige in Paige’s car. 

And just like that, her boyfriend abandons her. 

“I’m sure Marin at the diner is gonna love waiting on this lot,” Rey says with a chuckle. But he can tell she’s chatting nervously. She’s not sure about being alone with Mitaka. And she glances back at Ben’s SUV again. “Are you sure you can’t…”

Ben opens his mouth to answer as Mitaka exits. Gwen yells out, “Hey Dopheld, you’re taking Rey home before you go to the diner.” 

“Okay,” he answers without question as he walks toward his totally not pervy, completely normal white hybrid sedan. 

“Alright,” Rey says as she releases Ben’s arm. “Is Hux finished loading his stuff?”

To be as tired as Ben knows she must be, she’s very worried about someone she doesn’t know all that well. Certainly she has a flaw _somewhere_. 

“He’s on his last bit. I’ll start the car and warm it up for you,” Mitaka offers. 

“I’ll help Hux. You head home,” Ben offers. Her friends are already gone. 

“Are you sure you can’t take me?” Rey finally asks, her hazel eyes sparkling in the dim light. 

Ben shakes his head. As bad as he wants to, he knows it’s not a good idea. But this tells him something. It tells him she trusts him, even though she has no reason to. Maybe because of last night at the diner. Maybe because she feels it too, whatever _it_ is that he’s feeling. 

Or maybe he’s projecting his feelings onto her. Maybe she doesn’t _care_ about him, but would rather be taken home with the devil she knows that the devil she doesn’t. 

Hux leaves the bar with Mitaka behind him, and after closing his trunk declares, “We’re done! Let’s eat!”

“Thanks for your help pussy cat,” Gwen calls out as she gets into an older but well taken care of SUV. 

“You’re welcome,” she replies. 

Hux climbs into his own very expensive sedan. And Mitaka goes around to his passenger side to open the door for Rey. 

Ben finds himself walking with Rey to Mitaka’s car. He can hear Shawn Mendes _Treat You Better_ playing on Mitaka’s sound system, and tries to ignore how fitting the song is for his situation. 

“I drive girls home from band practice all the time. It’s something I always do. Don’t worry,” Mitaka assures her. 

Ben nods, and she climbs into the passenger seat of Mitaka’s car and closes the door with a little wave. 

Ben watches the car drive away, and thinks about following to make sure she makes it home okay. He doesn’t, but he thinks about it. After he’s already home, still sitting in his car wondering if he should drive out to look for Rey, he gets a text from a number he doesn’t recognize. He opens it quickly. 

**Mitaka gave me your number. I hope you don’t mind. He brought me home like a true gentleman. No dropkicking necessary.**

He stares at his phone for several moments. Everything is fine. Rey is okay. And now he has her number. He exits his car and walks toward his apartment singing “ _I know I can treat you better than he can_ ,” to himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND COMMENTING! IT IS WRITER FUEL!


	7. I've Got a Crush on You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boy's got a bad case of the feels...

Rey is standing in the back of the practice room, and he takes only a half a second to acknowledge her before he walks toward the snack table. He hadn’t seen her since Saturday night after the gig. He hadn’t even sit under the tree to watch her walk out of the music building. Somehow he kept himself from texting her back that night, or at all. He’d denied himself even a glance at Rey. She has a boyfriend, he continued to remind himself. But, seeing her again after only three days brings back all the emotions he’d tried to keep buried inside him.

She is magnificent. She’s warming up her voice, and he hears nothing else in the room but her. _“You’re my big and brave and handsome Romeo. How I won I will never know. It’s not that you’re attractive, but oh my heart grew active when you came into view. I’ve got a crush on you, sweetie pie.”_

He shivers when he hears the words, turns toward her to see if she’s looking at him. She’s turned toward the back wall, as if she doesn’t want to be distracted, but she has a dreamy expression on her face that might kill him. She has curlers in her hair and artfully applied makeup on, and she’s stunning. She’s wearing a black dress, and as he suspected she looks terrific in black. He wishes she’d wear it more often, especially as his girl-. No, he won’t let his mind stray there. He _won’t_. 

Ben recognizes the dress as a show choir outfit from three years ago. Ben is at least happy she has someone to borrow dresses from, if she can’t afford to buy them herself. He just curses fate that of all people why does it have to be Paige Tico. And the memories literally tear him away from his enjoyment of Rey’s song. 

He can’t help but wonder if Paige or Rose has told Rey all about the epic failure they shared two years ago. Sometimes the jazz band would perform with the show choir, when their schedules didn’t conflict, or the choir director wanted the performance to look more _fancy_. There was a party after one of the shows, and everyone was plastered or high. Everyone except Ben, for whatever reason he came up with that night, and Mitaka who never drinks but still enjoys hanging out in social situations. He can’t even remember now why he didn’t drink. He sat in the back next to Mitaka, both of them paying half of their attention to their phone and the other half to the drunk party-goers around them. 

Ben noticed Hux chatting up a cute blonde guy from the choir. Next he found Gwen playing with a cute Asian girl’s hair, also from the choir. He liked to keep his eyes on his friends, in case they got into any drunk trouble that they didn’t cause themselves. He returned his attention to his phone, and the next thing he knew, the Asian girl was trying to take his phone out of his hand and sit in his lap. He knows now that she’s Paige, but back then he didn’t even know her name.

“What’re you?” Ben asked, as she leaned forward to kiss him. He remembered she smelled like alcohol and weed, and how much that in itself turned him off. But the fact that she didn’t ask if he was interested was what upset him the most. He moved back and away from her, but she persisted. She tried to wrap her arms around his neck, and he reached up his hands to block her. 

“It’s okay. Gwen said you’re shy but you like girls, and I’ve been crushing on you for years,” Paige said, while continuing to try to wiggle into his body. 

Mitaka sat beside them, taking it all in quietly with huge eyes. He raised his hands as if to help Ben, but he quickly shook his head. Ben didn’t want to make the situation any worse than it already was. 

“Stop, you’re drunk,” Ben said, while trying to figure out a place to put his hands to gently remove her from his body. 

“I’m not too drunk. I’ve waited for a chance to finally get with you, and now…” she muttered as their lips finally met. 

Ben stood immediately with his hand on the small of her back. Gracefully somehow he turned, and deposited her on the couch while he stayed standing. “I said stop!” he yelled. He realized just how loudly when he looked around and saw everyone staring at him. 

“Fucking dick. I was just trying to kiss you asshole,” Paige said loudly enough for everyone in the room to hear. “Maybe it would loosen you up a little, maybe pull that stick out of your ass.” Nearly everyone in the room chuckled at that. 

Everyone except Gwen, who he was sure set all of it in motion in the first place. “Sorry,” she mouthed from across the room. Ben threw up his middle finger and stormed out, with Mitaka following closely behind. 

So now the girl he was trying his absolute hardest not to crush on had probably heard about one of his worst social failures. But in such a long list of failures, who’s to say what the actual worst was? 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been staring at the bottled water before Gwen walks up to him. “One isn’t going to levitate into your hand, no matter how hard you stare at it,” she says gently. 

He picks up a bottle, opens it, and walks toward the other side of the room to stand next to Mitaka. 

“It’s only the dress rehearsal, why are you so nervous?” Gwen asks as she follows along behind him. 

“I’m not nervous,” he says. He feels his eyes being drawn to Rey, even though he tries to not look at her. This time Finn is standing beside her. He feels his pout turn into a frown as he quickly turns away. 

“I understand Ben.” She places her hand on his shoulder, and gives him a little squeeze. 

“You have no idea,” he mutters as he pulls away. 

“Well maybe,” she replies as she turns again to look at Rey, who is smiling at Finn like he hung the moon. “But I know how it feels to crush on someone who doesn’t like you back.” When Ben says nothing, simply stares at her blankly, she winks at him. “I knew in eight grade you’d be the only boy in our school as tall as me.”

“That’s no reason to like someone,” he says with a distinct eye roll so dramatic it could probably be heard across the room. 

“I was thirteen, I didn’t have a list of requirements like I do now. _Sexually active_ wasn’t high on my list back then,” she says with a chuckle. 

Ben groans. “Why is it such a big deal that I don’t sleep with every girl in the band?” 

“Because you’re gorgeous and you’re built like a Greek god. Plus, you’re rich,” she continues with a twinkle in her blue eyes.

“My _parents_ are rich,” he corrects her. 

She cocks a blonde eyebrow at him. “Most of the girls in the band would give their first born to get with you.” 

“Doesn’t say a lot about them,” he counters. 

“Always have an argument for everything, don’t ya Solo?” she mutters, before she turns him slightly so that he can watch Rey kiss Finn on the cheek, but he doesn’t kiss her back. He walks off without kissing her. 

It makes Ben physically angry to see it happen, but somehow he controls it. Finn is _not_ his problem. “She likes him. They’re dating,” Ben points out, sounding just as emotional as he feels. 

After a moment or two Rey turns to search the room, and her eyes land on him. He holds his breath as she smiles and immediately begins walking toward the friends. 

“I wanted to let you guys know what a good time I had Saturday night. Being on that stage, hearing the cheering crowd, it was fantastic!” she exclaims happily as she gazes up at Ben. 

“You’re welcome pussy cat. Maybe we can bring you up on stage again next week. Put some kitten ears on you and a little pink lipstick right there,” Gwen says as she touches the tip of Rey’s nose. 

Ben actually visibly flinches. 

“Wouldn’t I need a military name, though. Something like Lieutenant Kitten?” 

“I like it. But how about Lady Kitten?” Mitaka pipes up unexpectedly. 

Rey laughs at his almost serious suggestion. “And thanks again Mitaka for taking me home. I was asleep in like five minutes. I would’ve crashed at the diner.” She chuckles as she says it. As if the fact that her friends abandoned her was forgotten, or forgiven. Ben couldn’t forgive the way Finn just left her. If she were his he would always kiss the top of her head, always tell her he loved her, and never ever let her get a ride from a stranger. 

“We had a great time. Thanks for letting us hang out with your boyfriend,” Gwen says as she lightly squeezes Ben’s arm reassuringly. She has a reason for bringing up Finn, she’s telling him silently. 

“Finn is great, isn’t he? It feels like we’ve been together forever. Since we were twelve.” She grins as she says it, but it doesn’t spark in her eyes. There’s no fire like when she sings. Not the way she looks at _him_. “That’s a long time, isn’t it?” she says with a chuckle. Ben can’t begin to describe how crushed that piece of information makes him feel. 

The band director enters just then, and Rey practically jumps when she sees him. “Hey sorry, I have to go talk to him about my scholarship,” she says as she practically runs off. But she still turns to look at Ben as she walks away. He wonders if she wants him to look at her. Or if she wants to make sure he _is_ looking at her. Because he is. His eyes are always drawn to her, even when he wishes they weren’t. Even when he wishes he could stop. 

And they were just talking about her boyfriend. Is that the definition of mixed signals? Because Ben has never been so confused in his life. 

“You want to do something, don’t you?” Gwen asks when she sees where his gaze is. 

He nods. He wants to do everything. Everything he’s denied himself. Everything he’s thought about doing, and things he hasn’t thought about. He wants to do all of it, and then do it all again. 

“You want to figure out a way to pay for her tuition.” That’s not at all what Ben was thinking. But he won’t tell Gwen that. “You know you have the money lying around somewhere to help her out. Figure out her student ID number and just put some cash on your account. She’ll never know it was you. Hell, we could put Mitaka up to it.”

“I have some money from my college fund,” Mitaka offers. “I was gonna put it in stocks…”

“I think she means I should get the money out of my own savings account and you take it to the office.” As he’s saying it, it just makes sense. And there isn’t a whole lot she couldn’t do with her student ID. She could eat at most of the restaurant around the campus with it. She could even add it to her Apple Wallet and use the money anywhere. 

“Excellent idea, Gwen,” Ben says, as he pulls up his bank info on his phone. He looks at his savings account, with way more numbers before the point than any college senior should have. He’d always thought that would be his money to get him through the years after he graduated, when First Order went full time. His mother would threaten to disown him, because of what her father did to her mother. But he already had his trust fund, or most of it anyway. That wasn’t even reflected in his savings, since most of it was still in stocks and bonds. “I could definitely do it.”

Rey looks upset after her chat with the director, but she puts on her brave face and smiles as she heads to the bathroom. 

“Ten minutes everyone!” the director yells, making sure everyone knows it’s time to file into the auditorium. Mitaka grabs his trumpet, Ben grabs his sticks and looks around, wondering where Hux is. He’s always around, making snarky comments. 

Ben sees him enter through the back door which is usually locked, raking his fingers through his hair and trying to hide a smile. 

“What have you been up to?” Ben asks, watching Hux fiddling with his belt while trying to walk. 

“Nothing you’d ever do,” Hux counters. 

Fantasies of Rey flash through his mind, and he realizes just how wrong his friends are about him. But coming from Hux he’s probably right. 

Then Rey exits the bathroom, and her glorious hair is arranged in soft curls around her face, and she looks like a real live jazz goddess. 

Ben is frozen as she walks past, the only movement being his eyes following her. 

She gives him a weak smile before she looks away. 

Ben sighs. He can feel the sadness rolling off her, but she still tries to put on a brave face. And when the practice starts, she’s happy, flirty, and fun. She even amps up the performance, dancing around the stage as if she doesn’t have a care in the world. He couldn’t help wonder how she could do that, when he has a hard time acting happy even when he _is_ happy. 

When it’s over, she's smiling with her dimples on full display, eyes sparkling brightly. She glances around the band members, as if hoping for validation. Her eyes land on his and stay, and he stares for a moment before looking away. She has a boyfriend, he reminds himself. He can’t fall for her. He _can’t_. But when she looks away his eyes find her again. He can still look, after all. 

He finds himself humming _I’ve Got a Crush on You._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh... Ben... you're such a hot, handsome, big, tasty mess. And we all love you.


	8. Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's feelings are showing, and Rey sees them glowing like a neon sign. So what happens? Karaoke! :)

Ben is sitting in the back of the room as usual, watching as the party happens around him. He’s not alone, though. Mitaka is sitting beside him, as usual. Ben is drinking, which he rarely does. Mitaka is chatting about the dress rehearsal, making valid points about what could be better, and Ben is brooding while drinking and that’s never a good combination. Ben has often thought that Mitaka would make a great music professor, but he’s decided that accounting is his back-up plan, because his parents are accountants and they quote _make a very good living_ end quote. 

“I think this is the best performance we’ve ever done. I don’t know if it’s because most of us are seniors, or because of the music choice, but we were really good tonight. And Rey was great, wasn’t she?” Mitaka says before he glances slyly at Ben. Mitaka seems unsure whether Ben likes Rey or not. 

And Ben is never going to admit to his feelings, not even to his friends, and especially not in a crowd of people. Not when someone who is friends with Rey could walk past and hear him. 

“She’s not that great,” Ben says. He looks up at her when he says it, to makes sure she doesn’t overhear. 

But what he really thinks is that she was fucking fantastic. She blew him away. She blew everyone away. The dress rehearsal was amazing, and she knew it. When she finished she was so proud and happy she was beaming. If the performance is better, she’s going to get a recording contract before she’s out of college. 

She’s a star. Everyone wants to be around her, and it’s crushing Ben’s heart to see her standing in Finn’s orbit, batting her long eyelashes up at him, giggling at what he says, all while her dimples are showing. The curls in her hair are loosening out to waves, and they’re sweeping against her beautiful shoulders. Black really is her color, Ben thinks as he notices the contrast between her golden skin and the black dress. And the thick eyeliner emphasizes her eyes and makes the Emo kid in him scream. 

“Well I thought she was good,” Mitaka says, daring to disagree with Ben. “And she looks really…”

“Holy shit!” she exclaims loudly, as she looks at her phone. “Holy twat wanker!” She’s so loud everyone turns to stare. “This must be a mis-“

Before she can finish the word she turns immediately to stare at Ben. How did she know where he’d be sitting? He gazes at her for a second, before he turns his attention to his flavored vodka and Sprite Zero. 

“What is it Peanut?” Finn asks, as he looks over her shoulder. Then he laughs out loud, before he covers his mouth. “Motherfucking monkey balls, Rey! You’re rich!” 

“It’s a mistake. It has to be,” she sounds dumbfounded, as her eyes return to her phone. 

“Guess she finally found it,” Mitaka whispers, before he takes a sip of his soda. 

“Shhhhh!” she says to Finn, before she turns off her phone and shoves it in her purse. “Something is obviously wrong. I’ll go to the office tomorrow, straighten it out.” 

“You don’t want to go on a spending spree? You don’t want to buy an expensive bottle of champagne, and a dozen roses? Maybe the plumpest chocolate covered strawberries you can find?” Finn asks, very loudly. 

Ben is making mental notes, and almost wants to thank Finn for yelling what she likes so loudly. He knows what she likes now, and he could send them to her apartment anonymously. He knows where she lives too, thanks to Mitaka. Not that he’s gone there. He hasn’t. He hasn’t even driven down her street.

“Of course I do, but I’m not gonna. It’s not my money, and I’m not gonna spend it. That would be stealing,” Rey admonishes him. 

But it’s not. Mitaka deposited the five grand that Ben gave him, so it’s hers. There’s no stealing involved. He can’t just walk over and tell her that, or it wouldn’t be anonymous. He knows it won’t be enough to pay for her tuition, not all of it anyway. But if his mother doesn’t murder him for this stunt, he’ll deposit more when he gets his next installment from his trust fund. 

“Just a little? Maybe just the strawberries?” Finn continues. Rey huffs, and actually turns to move away from him. “Come on, babe!” She walks over to Rose and Paige, who begin to talk to her animatedly. Finn doesn’t follow her. He gets another glass of punch, which is spiked, then joins a group of guys who are also in the choir. How did they get invited to Gwen and Hux’s house, anyway? 

“I don’t like the way Finn is pressuring her to spend the money,” Gwen whispers over his shoulder. He didn’t even know she was there. For a woman who was half an inch taller than Ben, she sure did move quietly when she wanted to. 

Ben takes a deep breath and tries his hardest not to return his attention to Rey. “What she does with it is up to her. Even if she lets Finn talk her into spending it all on junk food and champagne.” 

“You would just give her more,” Gwen chuckles, before she kisses his cheek and moves away to muss up his hair. 

“Probably,” Ben agrees. 

“Now we wait to see if Finn abandons her again, or…” she says as she walks around the couch to join Ben and Mitaka. 

“Hey, Peanut! Me and the guys are gonna go over to Snap’s place and watch the end of the game,” Finn calls out across the room. 

“Right on time,” Gwen comments, and grabs the straw in Ben’s drink to take a sip. “Good stuff.” 

Finn doesn’t even walk over to tell her, or to give her a kiss. Before she can even answer he asks, “Anyone seen Poe?”

Practically as they’re walking out the door, Poe Dameron opens the bathroom door. “Hey guys! Wait up!” he exclaims. He pats Finn on the back as they leave together. 

After a few moments Hux exits the same bathroom, clothing rumpled and cheeks flush red. 

“Did you know about that?” Gwen asks, as all three friends watch Hux casually stroll over to the breakfast counter to pour a cup of punch. 

“I had no idea,” Ben answers. “But I can’t say I’m surprised.” 

“Poe Dameron is a really nice guy. One time I was walking down the hall and…”

“Not now Mitaka,” Gwen mumbles as Hux moves to join them. 

So they all sit silently and watch Hux act like that didn’t happen when he joins them. “What!” he demands after thirty seconds of silence. 

“Oh, nothing,” Gwen mutters, and takes another sip of Ben’s drink. “Is that mandarin orange?”

Mitaka sits with his mouth open and his eyes wide, obviously dying to say something. Just as Ben’s about to say it, since Hux first teased him about Rey, his moment is interrupted. 

“Hey guys, thanks for inviting us over, but we’re gonna head out. Paige has to work the early shift in the morning, and she’s my ride,” Rey says, with a distinct side eye at Paige. 

“Com’on Rey!” Paige exclaims. Rose rolls her eyes. 

“If you want to stay I’ll drive you home. I’m the designated driver,” Mitaka offers. 

“Yea, we haven’t even played spin the bottle yet,” Hux says, with a straight face and without even looking at Ben. 

“That’s highly inappropriate. I have a boyfriend,” Rey answers, and takes a step back toward her friends. Ben can tell because he’s looking at her shoes. Even that is causing his heart to beat faster. 

“What Hux means is, Ben is on drink number two, and on drink number three Ben sets up the karaoke machine and forces everyone to take a turn singing their favorite 80’s rock ballad.” Gwen deftly salvages that mistake somehow. 

“Really? I love 80’s rock ballads!” Rey says excitedly. 

“Rey!” Paige says again. 

“Hey Rose, they have a karaoke machine and Mitaka will take us home and he doesn’t drink and I don’t have to work at the diner until four tomorrow please stay with me!” She says the run on sentence happily and in one breath. 

“Yes!” Rose stage whispers with a pump of her fist. 

“Whatever,” Paige says as she turns to leave. “Later bitches!” 

“Paige is really upset that the guy she’s crushing on left to watch football,” Rey mutters as she sits down on the ottoman where Ben is resting his feet. Ben is just tipsy enough to move his feet out of her way, but not off the footrest. She doesn’t complain at all, she simply scoots closer to his size twelves. “Fuck your feet are huge, Solo!” 

“You know what they say, big feet, big…”

“Hux!” Gwen exclaims, and reaches forward to slap his thigh. 

“I was going to say brain, I swear,” Hux says with a chuckle. 

And suddenly, out of nowhere, Ben laughs. It’s a rusty, almost tortured sound, and everyone in the circle turns to look at him. 

“Hey guys, what’d I miss?” Rose exclaims. 

“Well we’re not singing Warrant songs yet, so not much,” Gwen says. 

And Ben chuckles again. 

When Rey looks up at him, his eyes catch hers. He’s smiling. Finn has abandoned her again. She’s spending the evening with Ben. They’re going to sing karaoke and drink adult beverages, and they’re going to have a wonderful evening. Maybe they’ll even sing _Cruisin’_ together like Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis. 

“So which of the choir boys does Paige have a crush on?” Hux asks, because he’s so nosy like that. 

“I don’t really-“ Rey begins.

Just as Rose exclaims, “Poe Dameron.” 

And that’s when Hux nearly chokes on his punch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying it! Yes, I do love GingerPilot! :-D


	9. Africa

“Okay so here’s one,” Rose says, as she glances over at Mitaka’s phone to look at the list of karaoke songs the group of friends downloaded after Gwen bought the machine. The list continues to grow, with every party they add new songs to the list. 

“Isn’t that one a bit cliché?” Mitaka asks, as he rolls his eyes. Rose shoves at his shoulder, and he fights a smile. Ben can even see a bit of color in his cheeks.

“Come on, you know you love it,” she playfully argues, and elbows him in the side before jumping off the couch and pulling Rey with her. 

Why in the hell is Mitaka flirting with Rose? Ben wonders. Or maybe he’s just imagining it. Maybe he’s seeing normal social interaction and thinking it’s more. Maybe that’s what’s happening with him and Rey too. Maybe she doesn’t feel the same way. She gives Ben a huge smile as she reluctantly joins Rose, and he thinks… Maybe she does. 

Ben finishes preparing the microphone and steps away just as Rose moves to it. “Come on Gwen, Jess, Kay,” she says as she points to the band girls in the room. “You too Baz, Jannah, and Korr! Come on girls!” she calls out when she sees no one is joining her and Rey.

Hux loads the song, and Rey giggles excitedly when she sees the title appear on the screen of one of the iPads he uses in his keyboard set up. Then, when the opening riffs play, all the girls jump up and start to dance. 

“ _I come home in the morning light. My mother says when you gonna live your life right?_ ” Rose sings, and Rey is doing a half-assed interpretive dance behind her. _“Oh momma dear we’re not the fortunate ones. And girls just wanna have fun!”_

 _“Oh girls just wanna have fun!”_ Soon all the girls are singing along and dancing around. Even Gwen joins in, singing the chorus at the top of her lungs. They’re all having fun, singing, jumping, and acting like tweens at a birthday party. 

Ben is watching Rey. Which he usually does, of course. 

But this time Ben has had three drinks, and another is sitting in front of him. And his brain is thinking things that it shouldn’t. Like picking her up and carrying her into Hux’s room, and kissing her senseless. Or maybe Gwen’s room, it might be cleaner. Nah, Gwen’s room would probably glow white under a blue light. Then again, so would Hux’s. So, how could he get Rey somewhere they could be alone to talk? Which of course he’d hope would lead to kissing, if she wants to. He really, really hopes she wants to. 

After the song is over, Rey takes the seat that Mitaka has vacated, right beside Ben. She even leans forward and grabs his drink off the coffee table, and takes a big gulp. Then she scoffs and makes a “Blaach!” sound, before sighing loudly. “That has alcohol in it!” she exclaims with shock. Then she almost giggles. Her dimples kill him. It’s almost like he’s under a magic spell when he sees them. Like he’s the only man in the world and she’s smiling just for him. 

“I’m old enough,” he mutters as he tries to take the drink from her. “But you aren’t.” 

“Wait!” she insists as she sticks an index finger in the air, before she finishes it off. “You may have it now.” He reaches for the glass, and she pulls it away. She’s playing with him, and he loves it. “If you refill it.” 

“No. You’re not old enough,” he says seriously. 

“Oh, please Ben. I can hold my liquor,” she admonishes. Then she bats her eyelashes up at him, and grins with those dimples, and he’s like putty in her hands. 

But he doesn’t want her to have the excuse that she was drunk and didn’t know what she was doing when he kisses her. And he doesn’t want her hating him, and use _him taking advantage of her_ as the reason. 

“Handle your liquor?” Gwen asks, obviously shocked, when she joins them. “She sounds like an experienced drinker, Ben. Just make her a damn drink.” 

Ben vaguely registers that Mitaka is at the microphone singing. Holy shit, he’s trying to sing Bohemian Rhapsody. _Again_. This night has quickly turned from a fantasy to a nightmare. 

“Pleeeeeze Beeen?” Rey pleads again. And the way she’s looking up at him, he just can’t say no. As bad as he wants to. 

“Fine,” he says as he stands up. He walks toward the kitchen mumbling to himself, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

Mitaka is actually hitting the high notes pretty well. Ben must not be too drunk to know better, because Gwen is calling out, “Hit those high notes! Hit ‘em Dopheld!”

Ben stands at the breakfast counter, staring at the bottle of mandarin orange vodka as if waiting for it to do something. He really doesn’t want to pour it in the glass. He just needs a good reason not to. Maybe he can drop it and be like _ooops it slipped_.

But then there’s the gallons and gallons of punch that Hux and Gwen made a show of throwing together with pineapple juice, orange juice, lemonade, grenadine, and an entire liter of rum. 

Everyone acts like it’s no big deal, but Ben just can’t. She’s too young. He wants to get to know her. He doesn’t want to disappoint her, but he doesn’t want to give her alcohol to get to that point.

“For fuck’s sake Ben. It’s just a little vodka. Remember when we were freshman?” Gwen mutters when she’s beside him. 

Yes, he remembers. And that specifically does not make her point any more valid. Ben had been there every time his friends got drunk and made a fool of themselves, or went home with someone completely inappropriate or incompatible. Ben saw that nothing good actually came of getting drunk. He did not want that to happen to Rey. Not that going home with Ben would be inappropriate or that they would be incompatible. He had a feeling they’d be very good together. But he didn’t want her to cheat on Finn because she was drunk. He wanted her to want him and not regret it in the morning.

Maybe he was giving himself too much credit. Maybe she wouldn’t want to go home with him at all, drunk or sober.

She pours three red plastic cups of punch and delivers two to Rey and Rose before sipping one herself. He pours himself a Sprite Zero and returns to the sitting area with its makeshift stage in front of the mantle, and begins to brood more. If she’s going to drink he’s got to get himself stone cold sober.

Ben barely registers that Mitaka has finished. He’s too busy watching Rey like a hawk might watch a mouse. Rey cheers a little too enthusiastically, and Mitaka smiles proudly when he returns to the end of the couch where Rose is perched on the arm. 

“Your turn Rey,” Hux tells her, as he goes through the list on his iPad. 

“Break a leg,” Mitaka says as she moves beside him. 

“Thanks Mitaka.” She smiles at him, and Ben’s sure this will be over exaggerated and bragged about at a later date. 

Rey grabs the mic and the intro of the song makes Ben grit his teeth and ball his free hand into a fist. The girls squeal, and Rose jumps up to join her. Rey starts singing, and her voice and the words she sings is enough to make his heart explode. 

“ _Goddess on the mountain top, burning like a silver flame. The summit of beauty and love, and Venus was her name. She’s got it, yeah baby she’s got it._

Then she looks at him during the chorus, and he wonders how he doesn’t melt into a puddle of goo.

_“I’m your Venus, I’m your fire, at your desire.”_

His every nerve ending tingles. He hears every beat of his heart. And he feels every inch of his cock as he gets hard just from watching her bounce around and sing. But it’s not just that, it’s her song choice and the way she’s singing it right to him. 

_“I’m your Venus. I’m your fire. At your desire.”_

She feels it too. She has to. Why else would she sing that song?

The song ends while he’s thinking about pulling her into Hux’s room and asking her if the song was for him. Then he would kiss her, and…

“Ben you’re up!” Gwen says suggestively, and he has to fight the urge to do a dick check. He knows his t-shirt is long enough to cover any embarrassing evidence of his desire for Rey. 

“Can I have another drink?” Rey asks as Ben makes his way to the microphone. 

“Help yourself,” Gwen replies, even as Ben sends her a death stare. 

He’d hoped she’d be there when he sang, that she’d realize he chose the song for her. And although she was at the breakfast bar refilling her cup when the intro played, she still yells, “Africa!” and turns to watch. 

Now he felt weird about his song choice, as if he’d expose his feeling too much to everyone watching. He feels so uneasy he almost misses his cue.

“Sing Ben!” Rey exclaims. Fuck!

_“I hear the drums echoing tonight, but she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation. She’s coming in 12:30 flight, moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me toward salvation. I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies. He turned to me as if to say, hurry boy it’s waiting there for you.”_

Rey grins at him brightly as her lips move along to the lyrics. And when the chorus arrives she sings out loud with him. 

_“It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do. I bless the rains down in Africa. Gonna take some time to do some things we never have.”_

During the musical bridge Rey leans around Mitaka to ask Hux something. He knows exactly what the question is when his friend turns to him, almost as if asking permission. Ben shakes his head, but Hux shrugs and nods at Rey. He can’t believe how angry he feels when the second verse comes up. 

_“The wild dogs cry out in the night, as they grow restless longing for some solitary company. I know that I must do what’s right, sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti. I seek to cure what’s deep inside, frightened of this thing that I’ve become.”_

Everyone sings the chorus with him, which is usually one of the best parts of karaoke. But tonight the group is a little more irritating than normal, especially since Gwen is giving Rey alcohol and he suspects Hux has agreed to give her pot. This isn’t what he wanted, he didn’t want Rey to be stoned and drunk tonight. He wanted her to have fun, loosen up, and talk to him. And he wanted to have a drink or two so he wouldn’t be so intimidated by her. 

The evening is going so wrong, and all he can think about is getting out of the hot house and going home, even if he has to walk. 

As soon as the song is over he practically stomps away from the makeshift stage and tears toward the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ben can't catch a darn break! :(


	10. Decode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now kiss!

“What are you doing Ben!” Gwen yells as she approaches.

He touches the little black square on the door handle of his car, but it doesn’t unlock. “Trying to get in my car. That should be obvious,” he points out.

“Your fob is inside. You handed it over when you decided to drink tonight. Remember?” she reminds him, with her hand on her hip. She should be too drunk to have this much attitude. And if it wasn’t for her giving Rey alcohol, and Hux offering to give her pot, this would piss him off.

“I don’t want to fight, but I don’t want to be here anymore,” he replies, loud and rough enough to make his feeling clear. 

“No one leaves my house drunk behind the wheel of a car, you know that Ben,” Gwen reminds him. 

“Good thing I’m not drunk,” he mutters. 

“I won’t let you drive home, even if I have to tackle you to keep you here.” She says it with such ferociousness he’s almost afraid to argue. “Buy Mitaka’s gas. He’ll get you home.” 

Ben knows she’s right. He was the one who suggested the strict no drunk driving policy as soon as they starting hosting these parties. But that doesn’t mean he has to like it when it’s being used against him. 

And because his evening just keeps getting shittier by the moment, Mitaka exits the front door with Rey and Rose following behind him. They are both way more giggly than normal, which is just a little disturbing to Ben. 

“Ready to head out?” Mitaka asks as he walks past Ben. 

Ben eyes Rey and Rose as they pass him by. Rey turns to glance at him for a moment, as if to make sure he is following. Rose gets in the front passenger seat, and Rey sits behind Mitaka. 

“Still want to argue?” Gwen teases with a wink. He knows she’s messing with him to calm him down a little but it’s not working. And now he has to get in the car and sit beside a drunk Rey and make small talk. He sighs loudly, slumps his shoulders, and shuffles his way to Mitaka’s car. 

Rose and Rey are chatting excitedly, but when Ben opens the door they become quiet and start giggling. That makes him wonder if they were talking about him, which automatically makes him uncomfortable. 

Then Rey looks at him with shining eyes and dimples and says, “Get in Big Guy we’re going shopping,” and he feels a little better. 

“Are we going shopping?” Mitaka asks, then turns to Rose. 

“No, it’s from a movie.” Rose has a huge grin on her face when she answers. Ben thinks it’s sweet that a girl is finally looking at Mitaka like that. But then she kinda ruins it when she says, “I can’t believe we’re in a car with Ben Solo! None of the girls in the band are gonna believe it.”

“What do you mean?” Ben mumbles as he tries to fold his legs up to climb into the car. He finds a way to get himself inside before he closes the door, and Mitaka drives. 

“Band girls have been trying to get a date with you for four years, and none of them have been successful. And here we are, two freshmen, in a car with not just Ben Solo but also Dopheld Mitaka, half of First Order.” Rose’s enthusiasm is remarkable, especially since this couldn’t possibly be considered a date. “Oh God I love this song!” she exclaims as she turns the volume up for _That’s What You Get_. 

Ben frowns and looks out the window, his eyebrows pulling down and his cheeks coming up. His jaw works over words he wants to say but doesn’t. 

“Maybe we should get some food. The diner is open,” Rey suggests. Then she glances over at Ben, trying to gauge his reaction. 

“You know you’re a rock star at the university? You know girls argue about what kind of hair products you use? Can I touch your hair?” Rose turns around in the seat and reaches her hand toward him. 

Rey immediately slaps it away. “If anyone’s going to touch his hair, it’s me,” she says, sounding extremely aggressive. Territorial? Ben doesn’t know, but he can’t think of words anymore when she scoots to the middle of the seat, so close that her arms and legs are flush against his, and reaches upward tentatively. 

Ben flinches slightly, but doesn’t try to stop her. He catches her eyes, and they’re brilliant, shining gold and caramel and he wants to melt into them. 

“Ben,” she whispers as her fingertips meet his hair. He continues to gaze into her eyes, watching fascination and excitement mix with delight. Her tongue touches her top lip, and he’s never wanted to kiss her more than he does right now. 

“I bet unicorn manes aren’t this soft,” Rey nearly whispers. Then she lets out a nervous giggle. 

“Touch his biceps! I wanna know if they really are as big as an elephant’s leg!” Rose eggs on Rey, but from the look in her eyes Ben doesn’t think she needs it. 

The fingers of her right hand tangle into his hair, and her left palm lands on his bicep, while her fingertips brush against his pecs, and accidentally find his nipple. He can feel how hard and tight it is, but when she touches it her eyes go wide and her mouth falls open. 

“We’re here,” Mitaka announces as the car stops, and Ben jumps and looks around. 

Rey doesn’t release Ben’s hair but looks anxiously over his shoulder, before she grins. 

“Okay, see ya tomorrow Rey,” Rose announces, before reaching over to give Mitaka a quick kiss on the cheek. Then she says, “Thanks Dopheld,” before exiting the car and running toward her house. 

“I guess you’re next Rey,” Mitaka says as he puts the car in drive again. 

When the car is in motion Rey literally jumps into Ben’s lap. She’s straddling him and facing him, staring at him like she’s waiting for permission. Her eyes are fixated on his lips. His tongue flicks out to nervously lick them. She gasps loudly, and sucks her bottom lip between her teeth. 

Ben is stunned, completely and helplessly unsure of what to do. So he sits and stares at her for several moments, his heartbeat pounding in his ears with the nerves and buzz he’s feeling. 

“Ben,” Rey mutters before she tips her hips forward and wraps her arms around his neck, angling perfectly to kiss him. 

Her lips find his, and the intensity of it shakes him to the core. Her fingers are in his hair, her core is in his lap, wiggling against his erection, and her chest is pushed against his. The wires in his brain have probably shorted out, because he doesn’t think about the fact that she has a boyfriend, or that she’s drunk. He doesn’t think about all the reasons they shouldn’t do this, and can only focus on the reasons they should. 

He wants her. He likes her. He can take care of her. They like the same music. She’s an amazing singer and could definitely front the band. She’s gorgeous, and talented, and so damn happy. She’s fucking perfection breathing, and he has waited weeks to be right here with her. 

Her tongue gently brushes against his lips, like she’s savoring their taste. Then it’s pressing, pushing them apart. He suddenly realizes he’s not doing anything except reacting, she’s doing all the work. His hands move to her hips, bringing her closer. He feels the thick synthetic material of the dress she’s wearing, but it doesn’t deter him. His hands move up until he encounters the bare skin of her arms. 

She’s so darn soft, and warmer than he expected. He wants to bring her back to his apartment, lay her down in his bed, and touch her skin for hours. He wants…

“We’re here Rey,” Mitaka says, louder than his normal voice. 

Rey whimpers against his lips before pulling away. His chest goes forward, chasing after her. But she athletically slides off his lap before opening his car door. Her eyes are bright and her cheeks are red when she says, “Thanks Mitaka!” When her feet are on the ground she leans in for one final kiss. “See ya, Ben,” she whispers before she closes the door and heads off toward her dorm. 

They both sit silently for several moments, watching her run toward the door and hurry inside without looking back. 

Ben finally notices that _Decode_ is playing. _“Do you see what we’ve done? We’ve gone and made such fools of ourselves.”_

Ben didn’t think his first real kiss with a girl he liked would come to the _Twilight_ theme song. Then again Mitaka always has had a crush on Hayley Williams. 

When the car is moving again, Ben finally exhales. “If you tell anyone, including Hux and Gwen, I’ll kidnap your Pikachu plushie and bury it alive.” 

“You wouldn’t dare!” Mitaka exclaims, completely wrecked at the thought. “I’ve had him since I was four!” 

Ben fights a smile, while his fingertips brush against his lips. She really kissed him. Maybe she does feel the same way. Maybe they’ll start dating now. He can’t wait to move forward with her. It’s everything he’s ever wanted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... what happens next?


	11. Movement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I'm back! Being socially awkward myself made this interaction harder to write, and I'm going to use that excuse to explain why it's taken so long to post this chapter. But I do apologize for taking so long. Hope you enjoy!

Ben is in his bed staring at his phone, reading the text he sent Rey for what feels like the hundredth time. 

**Are you okay with what happened?**

He tries to roll over and go to sleep, to forget about how turned on he still is, but every song that comes on his playlist reminds him of her. Closing his eyes makes it worse, because all he can see is the look in her eyes right before she kissed him. He almost can’t believe it happened. He can’t believe she was actually in his lap, right against his dick. 

“Mmmmmmmmm,” he moans at the memory of her grinding against him. His hand moves down his chest and over his stomach, and as soon as the heel of his palm touches the tip of his dick through the cotton of his underwear his phone dings.

He jumps like he’d actually been caught rubbing his cock. He fumbles with his phone for a second before getting it upright, then pushes the button. 

**I’m still tingling. My head is spinning and it’s not the punch.**

He feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. Not only is she okay with it, she _liked_ it. He feels his stomach tying into knots, clenching tight. His dick gets harder, and he groans at the sensations pulsing through him. This is all from just knowing that she enjoyed kissing him. 

What might happen to him if they go farther next time? Would he melt into goo? Will he even know what to do _if_ they move on to second base? Oh fuck, he has to reply to her. He doesn’t have any idea how to flirt by text. He doesn’t know how to flirt at all.

So he keeps it completely safe. **Me too.**

He stares at the text for several seconds, feeling completely lame. He wants to say more, he knows he has to if he wants Rey to like him and want to be in a relationship with him. 

**I keep thinking about how pretty you looked sitting in my lap.**

That sounds pretty dumb. Too forward. Too presumptuous. Too brazen. 

She replies quickly. **I keep thinking about how damn sexy you felt under me. U R huge Ben.**

He’s glad she can’t see him right now. His face is probably redder than a tomato. He can feel his cheeks burning bright. What does he say to something like that? 

**Thanks ???** That seems like a pretty good response to Ben. Because he’s confused about if she means _huge_ as a compliment. But then again she called him sexy too. No one had ever called Ben Solo sexy, at least not to his face. 

The bubbles pop up and he watches anxiously. He feels like the next beat of his heart, the next breath he takes, is dependent on the words she types into her phone. The bubbles stay there, lingering, pulsing, mocking him. Maybe she fell asleep typing. 

**You are so hot. If you were here right now Id show you how sexy I think you are.**

That’s a short text for the amount of time he waited. Maybe she was trying to decide if she really wanted to send something like _that_. Maybe she was fighting with herself because she’s calling a guy who isn’t her boyfriend _hot_. He still can’t believe Rey Jones, the girl he’s slowly falling in love with, thinks _he’s_ hot or sexy. He can’t believe she’s inferring she wants to see him late at night. Or that she’d do something about it if she did see him. Just the fact that she wants to do _anything_ with him late at night might make his head explode. But the idea she might want to do _that_ is sending every ounce of blood in his body to his dick. He was already hard, but now it’s unbearable. 

His hand goes down to the outside of his underwear, and rubs the length of his dick from base to tip. “Ahhhhhhh…” he moans loudly, thankful again that she can’t actually hear him. His phone alerts again while he’s rubbing the inside of his wrist over his thick erection. 

**I could show you anyway.**

_What does that even mean?_ he wonders as he slides his hands into his white cotton boxer briefs. He feels wetness on his palm and it feels _good_. 

She sends another message, and this one’s a picture. And fuck it’s her tits, and her thumb and forefinger are framing a nipple. It looks almost as hard as his dick. Her chest is all soft looking tan skin, and has a dusting of beauty marks across it. She has one adorable little mole beside her right nipple, and he’s never wanted to lick anything more. He wants to get his tongue and hands on her beautiful skin and suck and lick all of her. 

**Now you show me yours.**

Send her a picture of his chest? He could do that. He turns on his bedside lamp and quickly peels off his t-shirt. He positions his phone just right, and touches the button. Of course it doesn’t come out. How hard is a selfie anyway?

He takes another and his thumb somehow gets in the way. How has he never learned how to do this? Oh that’s right, he didn’t think a girl would ever want to see a picture of him, especially not of his chest… or his junk. 

He takes one more and it actually turns out not blurry. As he’s sending it he gets another text. **Are you asleep?**

He hits send, and hears a swoosh as the message leaves his phone. He doesn’t get any bubbles, or a reply. For almost a minute he stares at the screen, wondering if he did the right thing. Of course she wouldn’t want to see his chest. He’s too pale, with way too many spots. He’s not attractive, not in the least, not like her. He thinks of every reason it was a mistake until a text appears. 

**I want to take eyeliner and connect all of your dots**. The text is followed by smiley faces. He grins. He can’t stop the smile that’s covering his face. And it gets bigger at her follow up text. **What are you listening to?**

**Movement by Hozier.** He’s happy to tell her that. It might be the perfect song to listen to while chatting with your crush.

**I love that song! Start it over so we can listen together.**

He wants to ask her about Finn. He knows he should. But he’s too enchanted by Rey to worry about Finn. Instead he replies, **Okay.** He closes his eyes and listens to the words, knowing that Rey is listening too. 

_When you move I’m moved._

**Do you like to dance Ben?**

He doesn’t know why he wasn’t expecting the question. The song practically begs it. He takes a deep breath and admits the truth he’s never told anyone else. **I’m a drummer so I love the rhythm. I love to feel it flow through me. I love to move to it. I love dancing.**

He watches the thought bubbles pop up, and wonders how long he’ll have to live with the torture of watching those bubbles and waiting for her. 

**I like to dance too. Maybe we could go out dancing sometime.**

Shit, was she asking him out? That made his hands shake just thinking about it. Before he can get a reply back to her she sends another text. 

**Good night Ben. I had fun tonight. I really hope we do it again.**

He wonders if she’s being honest, if she really wants to spend more time with him. She has a boyfriend to take her out dancing, his rational brain tells him. But his heart is so filled with joy and hope he ignores it. 

**I had fun too. I’d like to do it again. If you want to.**

Yea, that’s it. Smooth. Real smooth Ben. He shakes his head and rolls over, deciding to try to get some sleep. Tomorrow is the first performance so he has to be ready, to be good enough for her. 

**I can’t wait. See you tomorrow!**

He smiles as he pulls up the picture she sent him and snuggles into his pillow to get comfortable. He’ll see Rey tomorrow! His right hand moves over his stomach to his dick again. He grabs hold of it tight, squeezing it as he thinks about sucking Rey’s hard pink buds. She wants to go out with him. She thinks he’s hot. He’s sexy. She wants him. Rey wants _him_. He rubs himself until he comes, looking at Rey’s tits. Now he can sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For reference texts are in bold. :)
> 
> Thanks everyone for reading!


	12. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reality hits, but the fallout has yet to happen.

Everything seems brighter for Ben Solo. The birds are singing just a little louder, the air is just a little sweeter, and the sunshine is just a little warmer as he sits under the tree on the quad. After last night he’s almost giddy at the thought of seeing Rey. She likes him. She _wants_ him, and that sends chills down his spine. 

He’s listening to a live version of Walk The Moon’s _Surrender_. His physics book is sitting open in front of him, but he’s not reading it. He keeps glancing at the doors of the music building, waiting for his first look at her after their first kiss last night. He's sure his entire life is about to change, and he cannot wait for it to happen. 

Gwen is the first of his friends to join him, and he’s glad. He’d been hoping to talk to her all morning. “Hey Gwen,” he greets her happily. 

But, apparently she’s been waiting to talk to him too. “So what happened in the back of Dopheld’s car last night?” she asks in a sing-song voice. 

“Mitaka’s Pikachu is mine!” he growls his reply. 

Gwen sits down onto the grass beside him, surprise in her bright blue eyes. “You are the strangest person I know Ben Solo.” She chuckles when he flinches into himself. 

His jaw works for a moment as he obviously wants to say something, but instead he looks away silently. 

“Spill, Ben! Tell me what happened!” 

“What makes you think anything happened?” He’s still not looking at her. 

“Anyone with eyes can see that she's into you. And who wouldn’t be? You’re as hot as two demons fucking in the tenth level of hell.” 

He shakes his head, even though Rey told him last night she thinks he’s hot. It’s not true, but it makes him happy she thinks it is. 

“Just tell me what happened,” she prompts as she shoves her shoulder against his. 

He doesn’t tell her, of course. He would never. But, he does decide to ask her for dating advice. He knows she will tease him relentlessly, but she’s the only girl he can go to with his questions. So he takes a deep breath and just talks. 

“You know I’ve never really had a girlfriend?” She opens her mouth to say something, but he doesn’t let her talk. “You know my experience with girls is very limited. And I was wondering if you could tell me how to…”

“Fuck?” she asks, half stunned and half amused. 

“Gwen I’m trying to be serious,” he mumbles. 

“Okay okay.” She grins as she pats his cheek. “You put one hand in her hair, the other on her shoulder while you gently move your fingers downward until you grab her...” Her fingers tangle in his hair, while the other hand grabs his shoulder. 

“Hey guys,” Mitaka exclaims as he approaches. “What’s up?” 

Gwen jumps away from him, and he doesn’t really know why she looks like she's been caught doing something wrong. 

“Say goodbye to Pikachu,” Ben threatens as he looks up at Mitaka with murder in his eyes. 

Dopheld nearly screeches. “Why! I didn’t tell anyone what happened last night!” 

“What happened last night Dopheld?” Gwen demands playfully. 

“Just stop Gwen. I don’t want you to know,” Ben mumbles. 

“That Rey kissed you?” she continues.

"I swear I didn't say anything! Don't hurt Pikachu!" Mitaka pleads.

“Please Gwen.” He shouldn’t be so embarrassed to admit he kissed a girl and he liked it. And he’s not, really. He just wants to keep it private. He wants what happens with Rey to be his, because his friends know everything else about him. 

He turns away, trying to hide his red cheeks and ears, and he hears Rey. He hears her giggle, and he turns toward the sound as he always does. 

She’s leaving the building as she does every day around this time. She looks really pretty today, wearing rainbow leggings and a bright red sweatshirt hanging off one shoulder. And she’s holding hands with Finn. 

“Damn her,” Gwen murmurs under her breath. 

At the same time Mitaka exclaims, “What the heck?!” 

Ben doesn’t say anything. He’s speechless. He can’t believe she’s with him again. He watches as she looks up at her boyfriend adoringly before she kisses his cheek. He’s seen her do it a hundred times and it hurts every damn time, but this time it actually might kill him. 

She walks with him, up the sidewalk and toward the quad. Every step closer is another knife in his heart. At least her smile isn’t quite as big when they approach the three friends, even if she does avoid looking at Ben. 

At least she looks penitent when she says, “Hey ya’ll.” 

Finn looks happy, like nothing is wrong in the world. “I don’t have class tomorrow, so I hope the party lasts all night.” 

“Oh we are gonna have the party to end all parties,” Gwen says with a forced smile and a wink. She glances at Ben, and she can see that he’s beyond furious. “We’re gonna have enough booze to get the entire student body drunk.” 

“That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!” Finn responds excitedly. 

“I’m really looking forward to tonight.” Rey’s voice is almost hesitant, and she actually takes a step away from Finn. 

“The performance tonight will be great,” Mitaka says, with a look at Ben. 

“This is bullshit,” Ben mutters as he gathers his stuff into his backpack. This is why he didn’t want to fall for a girl. _Any_ girl. Especially not a girl who already has a boyfriend. He almost trips over a root as he quickly walks away. 

“Is that dude okay?” Finn asks loud enough so that Ben can hear him, even though he’s almost to the music building. 

“I should kick his ass,” Ben mutters as he turns the corner at the far side of the building. 

And stops suddenly when he sees Hux kissing Poe Dameron. He stands there stunned, unsure of what to do. 

They must have heard him because they pull apart abruptly. “Jesus Ben, what the fuck are you doing?” Hux asks rudely. 

“I was… um…” He can’t tell Hux he was running away from Finn and Rey, not with Finn’s friend Poe there. 

“Go away then,” Hux orders. 

Ben shakes his head and walks away. As he's walking he remembers his car is in the parking lot in front of the music building half way across campus. He can walk home, it’s only six blocks. And he needs the air. And he needs to not see Rey with Finn again, at least until he can act like it doesn’t bother him. 

He was wrong. Nothing has changed. He’s still the biggest loser on the planet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Ben is hurt. I'm sorry. :(


	13. No Leaf Clover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to keep you waiting. Have some fluff and my apologies!

_“You give me fever when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight. Fever! In the morning, fever all through the night.”_

That’s gonna stick with Ben Solo for the rest of his life. The way she turned her body toward him while he played, the way she grinned when she sang, sent shivers down his body. He can picture it in his mind vividly, the way her shoulders moved as she sashayed across the stage. She is the embodiment of everything Ben Solo finds sexy, and it might mean the end of his sanity. 

Ben is sitting in his car outside of Gwen and Hux’s house, watching a YouTube video someone has already uploaded, and it has 146 views already. The poster is StOrMTrOoPeR, so he has a pretty good idea who it is. 

He starts it again, and is halfway through the song when someone opens the passenger door. “Holy Captain America,” he exclaims as he jumps to turn toward the intruder. 

“Calm down potty mouth,” Gwen says as she closes the door. “What are we doing out here? Watching Rey’s smolder set you on fire?” 

“Something like that,” he mumbles, as he stops the video. 

“I was standing near you and I could feel the heat of her stare.” Gwen confirms what Ben’s been thinking, that she looked at him like she wanted to kiss him, in front of everyone there. 

“She has a boyfriend,” he reminds Gwen for what feels like the millionth time. 

His friend sighs and places her hand on his shoulder. “You can’t avoid her forever Ben.” 

“She’s not even here yet,” he mutters without looking at her. 

“How do you know that?” she asks, with a wry chuckle. Then she glances around him, and realizes he has the perfect view of the front door. “Oh, I see.” 

“So what do I do now?” He really has no one else to go to for advice, and Gwen seems more than willing to give it to him. 

“You go in there and flirt with the first girl who smiles at you. You get a little drunk and chat the girl up. Then when little Miss _Fever_ comes in, you can ask the girl for a little kiss and hit the two-timing Rey right where it hurts.” 

He hears her and understands what she’s saying, but he can’t play with a girl’s feelings like that. The intended kisser, not Rey. 

She shoves at his shoulder and announces, “Let’s get out of this car before she gets here and realizes just how strange you really are.” 

He nods and moves to exit the car at the same time Gwen does. As they walk toward the front door he hears Finn call out, “Oh, hey guys! Just getting here?” 

“Why did you invite him again?” Ben whispers loud enough for Gwen to hear. 

“Because I’m stupid?” Gwen answers with a shrug. 

“Let’s go with that,” Ben grumbles his agreement. They enter the party and it’s just like every other get together at the Parnassos-Hux household. Loud EDM is blaring, the kind that has percussion lines that sound like _boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats._ It’s monotonous, and boring, and he can understand why people drink when they hear it. Some people are already dancing, imbibing in the famous General Hugs punch. 

“I’ll catch you later,” Gwen says when she spots some obviously younger kids standing around the punch bowl. Gwen does have her limits, and I guess girls who look like they could still be in high school are it. He can hear her asking where they go to school as he walks into the other room. 

Ben decides that he’s not drinking, no matter what, and joins Mitaka on the couch. Mitaka, who has obviously saved the seat for him asks, “How’s it going?”

“Shitty,” Ben replies as he avoids looking around the room. He doesn’t want to catch even a glance at Rey. “I don’t even know why I came here tonight.” 

“Hey Gwen, where’s the beer?” Finn asks, loud enough that Ben can hear him over the Deadmau5 song that’s playing. Ben flinches at the sound of his voice, knowing that Rey is here with him. 

“This is getting redundant. I’m bored,” Ben insists as he stands up. Mitaka doesn’t say anything, which is good because Ben isn’t in the mood to argue. 

Hux on the other hand has no filter, especially when he’s has a few tokes. And Ben can tell he has from the smell of weed and patchouli lingering on his clothes. “Ben my friend, hey that rhymes,” he says, squirreling himself. 

“Not tonight Hux,” Ben mutters as he steps around him. 

Hux finally remembers what he was going to say. “Don’t let a girl stand in the way of you enjoying yourself.” 

Ben doesn’t answer him, choosing to walk away instead of engaging. As he continues toward his car he expects Gwen to stop him, or try to talk him out of leaving. Instead he hears a different, familiar female voice calling his name. 

“Ben. Ben wait,” Rey calls out. He ignores her, but when he’s opening his car door she’s places her hand on it. “I’m not going to apologize for last night. I liked kissing you.” 

Ben doesn’t say anything. He looks toward the front door, expecting to see Finn there watching them, watching Ben make a fool of himself fawning over his girlfriend. 

“Finn’s chatting with the guys over free beer. You don’t have to worry about him.” She waves her hand as if it’s not a big deal. 

Ben can think of a million reasons why that is wrong and why it irritates him. Instead he just grunts and tries again to open his door. But fuck knows why her small hand on his forearm stops him. She’s not even touching his skin and he melts like he did last night. He refuses to look at her, to find out if she’s still wearing the dress or if she’s changed into the rainbow leggings and sweatshirt. Either might make him internally combust. 

“You could take me home and he wouldn’t even realize I was gone.” She takes another step toward him, and it’s all he can do to stop himself from grabbing her and throwing her into the backseat of his car and kidnapping her. Would it be kidnapping legally if she volunteered to go with him? 

“I can’t,” he mumbles as he turns away from her. 

“Can’t take me home?” she asks, almost teasingly. 

“Can’t play this game.” He opens the door as he says it, and sits himself behind the steering wheel. 

She quickly and lithely makes her way around the car before he can start it, letting herself in the passenger side. “Why won’t you talk to me Ben? Why won’t you look at me?” she asks, as if she’s the one who’s being hurt. 

“You have a boyfriend,” he reminds her calmly. 

“That doesn’t have anything to do with you and me,” she counters. 

“Rey,” he says roughly, and glances over at her. That’s a bad idea, because she looks gorgeous and perfect with her hair hanging down around her shoulders. She smells like vanilla and sugar cookies, and he wants to devour her. Instead he says, “I can’t.” 

“I’ve been out here for how many minutes? And Finn hasn’t missed me. He hasn’t even texted me to see where I am.” She picks up her phone and shows it to Ben, and the lock screen is a blue sky with a double rainbow. He almost chuckles. 

Ben stares right into her eyes, and it’s so intense it’s like he’s staring into the sun. She’s so warm and bright, her light is dazzling. He doesn’t look away, though. He stares at her because she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. 

“Then why are you dating him?” he questions. 

Rey blinks a few times before looking away. “Why does it matter? Why can’t we hang out anyway?” 

“Because that’s not the kind of guy I am.” She gives a little huff, and crosses her arms in front of her chest. “And that’s not what I want from you.” 

She sarcastically asks, “What exactly do you want from me?”

Ben’s gaze consumes her, from the soft chestnut waves of her hair to tips of her ratty Chucks. “I want every gorgeous inch of you, Rey. I won’t settle for less.”

Rey gasps, and he can see her eyes go wide but she stares straight forward. Then she bites her lip, obviously thinking about something. He anxiously waits for her to say something, anything that will give him a sliver of hope. Then she whispers, barely audible over the audio system that’s playing Metallica’s _No Leaf Clover_. That’s literally the title of Ben’s autobiography.

“Do you want the money back?” When he remains silent for several moments she turns to look at him. “I don’t want it,” she clarifies. 

“Keep it. I don’t need it,” he replies as he shakes his head. “You weren’t supposed to find out it was me.” 

“I asked Mitaka if it was you and he said it wasn’t, but I could tell he was lying. He’s not good at it,” she says with a laugh. 

Ben actually smiles at the thought. “He’s really terrible at it.” 

“You should do that more.” She turns to look at him with a sparkle in her eyes and a grin. “You’re somehow even more handsome when you smile.” She reaches over to kiss his cheek, before she turns to open the door. “I’ll see you around Ben Solo,” she says before she closes the door. She practically prances around his car, then turns to wave when she hits the sidewalk. 

Falling for a girl is going to be worse than even he imagined. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting! It's over 1800 hits! I'm so happy!!!! Yay!!!


	14. Just A Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have some more fluff, and maybe a dash of Ben fighting an inappropriate boner????

Ben has just settled into his bed, but he’s sure he won’t sleep. It’s after two, and he’s tired after all the nerves and angst over Rey, but his brain won’t turn off. His phone is on the charger but it’s laying on his pillow. He hasn’t let it out of his sight all night, not even while he played Fortnite like an oaf crashing around everyone’s attempts. He was sure she would text him, even if it was to tease him about leaving the party early. He had hoped she would send him a message saying she missed him, or wished he was there. But of course, she hasn’t. Because Rey has a boyfriend, and Ben Solo is completely over Rey. 

He rolls over, facing away from his phone. He didn’t want her to text him anyway. But of course, as soon as his phone alerts, he immediately rolls over and swipes the screen. And it’s the weirdest message he’s ever got. 

**Itwasn’t my idea Ben pleasedon’tthreaten Pikachu!**

What the-

Ben hears a knock on his door before he can finish the message. He sits up immediately and looks around his bedroom. Nothing like this has ever happened, since he lives in the apartment alone. His building is very safe and secure, the best his mom’s money could buy. 

Hesitantly he makes his way downstairs, wondering what he’d actually do if someone was trying to break into his apartment. He doesn’t even have a baseball bat or a golf club or anything to protect himself. He grabs his umbrella off the coatrack, determined to fight off whoever it is. 

“Beeeeeeeeeen.” He hears the singsong voice of Rey Jones before she starts knocking again. 

_Shit. This can’t be happening. This cannot be happening!_

“Ben I’m gonna be sick!” she exclaims before she knocks louder.

He doesn’t have time to think. His neighbors won’t take kindly to all the noise this late at night, and he doesn’t want another complaint to the manager. The last time he had the gang over to play Doom the cops were called. 

So without really thinking he unlocks the door and lets her in. He knows he’s gonna regret it, but what choice does he have? 

“I’m gonna be…” she mutters, and Ben takes action. He practically grabs her off the floor and carries her to the half bath beside the laundry room. Once he turns the light on he leaves the room. He can hear her violently hurling through the door. And before he does anything else, before he grabs a bottle of water from the kitchen, he calls Gwen. This _has_ to be her doing. 

“Please don’t hurt Mitaka’s Pickachu. Yes it’s my fault. I told him to take her to your place.” 

“I-“ is all he gets out before she continues. 

“I was distracted with a new _friend_ ,” she says, but Ben knows she means her latest one night stand. “And she started drinking vodka straight from the bottle. When Hux got to her she’d already drank almost a whole bottle.”

“But why-“ he starts.

“I couldn’t let her go home alone, Ben. What if she choked on her own vomit?” What she’s saying makes sense, and that’s what pisses Ben off the most. That and the fact that Rey is throwing up like a demon possessed Linda Blair all over his bathroom. 

“But what about?”

She again doesn’t let him finish his thought. “Finn bailed as soon as he got there. And Rose left hours ago. She said she has a test in the morning or something.”

So he’s stuck with her. Ben is stuck with Rey in his apartment. All night. _Rey Jones_. His crush. 

“Why couldn’t she?”

“I know there isn’t any booze at your place, so she can’t drink any more. You know how to take care of her. I have to go. Don’t hate us. We love you.” And then she’s gone, just like that. 

“Uuuggghh!” he screams out at the _call ended_ screen. 

He’s been friends with Hux and Gwen long enough to know how to take care of a drunk. He knows he’s got to get her to drink something, and he knows he will have to watch her sleep. This is going to be the longest night of his life. 

“Ben. I think I’m done,” Rey calls out. He can hear her moving around, pawing at the door. 

When he thought of her spending the night at his place, this was never, ever what came to mind. 

He opens the door with his hands out, and he catches her as she stumbles into the hallway. She reeks of vodka and vomit, and he would love to get her upstairs and in the shower, but he knows that’s beyond what a guy friend should do for a girl who has a boyfriend. 

Instead he offers, “I have some sports drinks in the fridge. What flavor do you like?” 

“I taste like sick,” she mumbles. “D’ya gotta toothbrush?” 

“Upstairs,” he replies. 

“Think there’s some in my hair,” she says as she raises her hand to the tendrils escaping her ponytail. 

That’s when he finally looks at her. Her face is ashen white, not at all her normal sunny bronze tone. Her eyes are wide, glassy, and bloodshot. She’s still wearing the thick polyester dress, but he sees some distinct spots that weren’t there before. And, he sees chunks in her hair. This was definitely not what he’s been dreaming about. 

“Damnit,” he grumbles to himself. 

“Where’s your shower? Upstairs?” she demands, and stumbles toward the staircase. 

“Rey, I really can’t let you-“

“I be fine Beeeeeeeen. Is not tha first time I…” She makes it to the second step, and the only way Ben could describe what happens is that she slowly melts onto the stairs. Then she just lays there, with her entire length conforming to the staircase. She’s only wearing one shoe, and it’s hanging off her toes. 

“Shit!” he exclaims, and reaches down to pick her up. He carries her the rest of the way up the steps, and instead of tucking her into his bed he carries her to the bathroom. He can’t let her sleep with puke in her hair. So he turns on the shower, sets the temperature to lukewarm, and gently shakes her shoulders. “Rey the shower is on, if you want to…” 

“Ben, I think I’m gonna be…” 

He immediately opens the toilet lid and helps aim her the right way. He closes his eyes, kneels beside her, and holds her hair as she hurls. This is not what he thought having a girlfriend would be like. 

He can’t help but wonder if she drank so much because of him, because he left her there. But she seemed fine when she walked. And Finn was still there when he left. No, he can’t make this about himself. This is about _her_. 

As soon as she flushes the commode she stands straight up, pulls the zipper down at the side of her dress, and lets it fall to the floor. She’s wearing lacy black panties and nothing else, and he tries to look away but he’s mesmerized. He can hear _Just A Girl_ playing through the Bluetooth speakers in his bedroom from the 90’s Sirius channel. He can’t think of a worse song to be playing. 

She looks at herself in the mirror over his sink as she takes the elastic out of her hair, as she starts to sing along. “ _This world is forcing me to hold your hand. Cause I’m just a girl, little old me._ ” 

She’s too thin. He can distinctly see her ribs, her clavicles, her hip bones. Her stomach is so flat it’s almost concave. But her legs are perfect, long and muscular like a ballet dancer. And her ass. Damn, her ass is so round and perfect and bitable. 

“Shower Ben,” she says, as she turns toward the running water. He almost doesn’t know what she means for a minute, so caught up in seeing her holy shit she pulls the panties off before she turns to look at him. He’s supposed to do something. What’s he supposed to do? 

“Ben!” she exclaims loudly, pulling him out of his daze. He reaches his hand out to help her into step into the shower, and when she’s in he closes the curtain and sits down on the tile floor beside it. 

He listens to her singing in the shower, her voice slightly rougher from being sick. Once she’s out of the shower he’ll wrap her in a towel, then bundle her up in one of the plaid pajama sets his mother always buys him for the winter holidays, since his mother is Jewish and his father is Christian and he never really knows what the presents are for and he has no idea why he’s thinking of all of this now except to distract himself from Rey singing nude in his shower and the boner he’s trying to fight because that’s so inappropriate and she’s drunk and there’s absolutely no way anything is happening between them. 

It’s going to be a very, very long night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long! Thanks for all the wonderful comments! :-D <3


	15. Fix You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This had to be written. I'm sorry.  
> ***Mentions of previous abuse*** Mind the new warnings.
> 
> We learn more about Rey, and Rey and Finn's relationship.  
> All credit to Coldplay for the beautiful lyrics to Fix You.  
> (as an aside if you haven't seen Yesterday yet why not??? "Well it's not Coldplay. It's not Fix You.")  
> Also... In Chapter 2 I had Rey as British. Not any more. Sorry! That's been changed.

Rey is sitting in the middle of his bed, her back leaning against his chest, wearing his pajamas, fresh faced, and looking prettier than he’s ever seen her look. After she left the shower and wrapped up in the towel, with a bit of help from Ben, he left a pair of pajamas on the sink before he ran down the steps at breakneck speed to grab two sports drinks, two bottles of water, some saltine crackers, and a protein bar. 

Now he’s brushing her thick, chestnut waves, and she’s humming contentedly. More like a purr really. He’s rubbed a bit of the too expensive conditioner his mom buys for him on the ends of her hair to make it easier to brush. The shit is literally too expensive to wash down a drain pipe in his opinion, but he can’t deny it works. 

He’s not just selfishly brushing her thick beautiful mane either. He’s keeping her sitting upright which is making it easier for him to get some fluids in her. And also, shockingly, it’s the most calm he’s ever seen Rey. Not that she’s obnoxious or out of control, but her obsessive positive energy can be a little much at times, and it must be exhausting for her. 

“Have another drink,” he prompts gently. 

“Unh uh,” she garbles by way of a reply, with a shake of her head. 

“Still sick?” he asks. His voice is full of the worry and anxiety he’s feeling. He knows now’s not the time to confront her, but he can’t stop himself. He needs answers. “Why are you binge drinking, Rey? Is it something I can help you with?” 

She doesn’t even vocalize this time, she merely shakes her head. 

“Is it money? Stress? Is the jazz show getting to you?” 

Again all he gets is a shake of her head. 

“Is it Finn?” Another shake. He’s so full of fear his hands are shaking, but he has to know. “Is it me?” 

She turns her neck and torso and opens her eyes slowly as if her eyelids weigh a ton, just to look at him. “Ben,” she groans past vocal cords that probably ache. 

He drops his hairbrush and scoots back slightly, until his back hits the headboard. “It’s me, isn’t it?” 

“There’s so much you don’t know.” Her words are slightly slurred, but she’s at least speaking in words and sentences again. 

“Tell me,” he orders. He wants to reach out to her so badly that his hand is almost on her shoulder before he pulls it back. She watches it closely, before she lays her cheek on the place where his hand would have landed. She looks so young, so soft, it’s difficult for him not to grab her and pull her into his lap. 

“There’s too much. It would take all night.” She yawns as she says it, and he realizes how late it is. He’s not sure if it’s okay for her to sleep now. She hasn’t been sick in almost an hour. She’s been mostly alert. She seems okay to sleep. “You could take me home. I’ll be okay.” 

He hadn’t even thought about taking her home. He had just planned for her to spend the night here, to make sure she’s safe. “You should stay here,” he says, but immediately realizes how it sounds, like he’s not giving her a choice and keeping her against her will. So he bargains. “Talk to me for half an hour, and drink the rest of your sports drink. If you can do that I’ll take you home.” 

She takes another sip, before she slowly turns her body to face him, sitting cross legged on the center of his bed. She glances down at the bottle in her hand, obviously thinking. 

He hears the pregnant pause before the opening lines, _“When you try your best but you don’t succeed.”_ He audibly gasps, and regrets changing the channel when BSB came on. _“When you get what you want but not what you need. When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep. Stuck in reverse.”_

Rey’s eyes find his, and there’s a silent agreement, acknowledgment of the song that’s playing. It’s almost as if he can see just from the look in her eyes that she knows how much it echoes his feelings. Or maybe it’s her feelings he sees, because her eyes water up before one lonely tear falls down her cheek. 

_“When the tears come streaming down your face. When you lose something you can’t replace. When you love someone but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?”_

He reaches his hand out to wipe her cheek, and she nuzzles against his big palm. It feels good, and right. It feels like home. 

_“Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you.”_

Her eyes are still wide open, staring into his when she begins talking. “I was found wandering the streets of McAllen Texas when I was six. I was wearing only a plain blue dress, like a school uniform, that was much too big for me. I didn’t have on shoes, an undershirt, or underwear.” She doesn’t falter or hesitate, although she’s still slurring her words a little. 

“Oh, my, damn,” Ben exclaims roughly. They both remain motionless statues, although Ben really wants to hold her. 

_“High up above or down below. When you’re too in love to let it go. But if you never try you’ll never know just what you’re worth.”_

He hears the words in the background, but they’re fading into hers. 

“I had been abused, physically and sexually. There were so many bruises and breaks the doctors were surprised I lived,” she continues. 

The sound that escapes him is angry, and violent, and utterly helpless. 

“I didn’t speak so they didn’t know if I was Mexican or American. No one came forward to claim me, no one that was a DNA match anyway.” 

_“Lights will guide you home.”_

“Across the border is a town called Reynosa, where the nurse who took care of me was born. She named me Rey.” 

_“And ignite your bones.”_

“I was abandoned, beaten, and basically left for dead. I don’t know who my parents are. I don’t even know where I’m from.” 

_“And I will try to fix you.”_

Ben can’t resist any longer. He pulls her against his body and holds her. He kisses the top of her head, rubbing her hair against his lips, and squeezes her tighter against his body. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers over and over, as the music of Coldplay builds in the speakers. 

“The cops theory is that I was probably smuggled over the border, that maybe my parents were killed by the coyote or the journey. But they have no idea where I might be from, since I’m obviously white. I could be from anywhere in the world. Or I could be from McAllen Texas.” She’s talking into his chest, barely above a whisper, but he can hear every word. “I don’t remember it, but I remember the other men who touched me while I was in foster care.”

He wants to ask how many. He wants their names so he can hunt them down and strangle them with his bare hands. 

“When I was ten I was put in the care of a woman named Maz Kanata. Finn was already there. He took me in. He helped me learn to talk. He protected me from the bullies at school. He became my everything, my entire world.”

_“Tears streaming down your face. When you lose something you cannot replace. Tears streaming down your face. And I—“_

“I can’t leave him Ben. Even though I know he doesn’t feel the same way he did when we were thirteen.” 

_“Tears streaming down your face. I promise you I will learn from my mistakes.”_

“Hell, I don’t feel the same way. Although I do still love him, just not like that. But I can’t let go, and I won’t. I need him.”

_“Tears streaming down your face. And I—“_

“But I want you. And it’s killing me.” 

_“Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones.”_

“And I know it’s killing you too.”

_“And I will try to fix you.”_

That’s when she wraps her arms around his waist, and rocks herself against him. 

He knows from his own experience that rocking is a soothing mechanism. He used to rock a lot before he found the drums. He’s never seen her do it. He’d remember it, because he’s hyper aware of it and notices it in others. She must be purposely trying to hide it. Probably from years of therapy. 

But tonight she’s returned to it. She needs it. And she needs him. So he rocks her against his big body. He rocks her, and holds her tight. He knows he can’t _fix_ her. But he can be here for her. He can soothe her. He can love her. 

“I’ll keep you safe, Rey. I promise. No one will ever hurt you while I’m here. I’ll protect you.” Gwen’s told his voice is nice, so he hopes it will calm her. 

He continues to kiss the top of her head. He doesn’t know how long he rocks her. One song bleeds into another. Her grip lessens, and her breathing deepens. She’s asleep in his arms. She feels safe enough to fall asleep being held by him. 

Slowly he rolls them over so that they’re lying on the bed facing each other, but he doesn’t let her go. He knows he can’t now. He just doesn’t know how Finn will fit into the equation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I am sorry. :(


	16. Power Over Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is NSFW people! :-D
> 
> I almost forgot to credit Dermot Kennedy's Power Over Me. I LOVE this song! I hope you do too!

He wakes up to a giggle. Then he hears a deep chuckle. 

_Wait, that’s him_. 

“Ben,” he hears. _It’s Rey_. Then he feels small, soft fingers at his right hip. His shirt must have rode up in his sleep, because she’s touching his skin right over his sleep pants. It’s sending sensations all through his body. Sensations he’s never felt before. Feelings that always seem to be bubbling right at the surface when Rey is around are now boiling over, and he likes it. 

“Rey,” he responds as he opens his eyes. And there she is, lying beside him in his bed, facing him, wide hazel eyes fixed on the spot that she’s touching. 

“Damn you’re so fucking hot,” she whispers. Her fingers move upwards, pushing his shirt while dragging the tips over his skin. “All that pale skin, all those hard muscles. I had a feeling you were hiding something under those baggy band shirts.” He’s helpless, watching her face light up as she uncovers his stomach and chest. “The picture didn’t do your body justice.” 

“Rey,” he practically moans her name. Her excitement at seeing his skin is going to kill him, but it would be a fantastic way to go. 

“Take it off,” she insists. He stares at her for several moments, unsure of what to do. It’s Rey, in his bed, ordering him to take off his shirt. 

But it’s _Rey_ , who was so drunk she practically passed out on his staircase last night. It’s Rey, who told him about her horrific past and how much she’d been hurt. Rey, who he’d do anything for. 

“Do it!” she exclaims, and sits up so she can use both hands to remove his shirt. As she does, she shoves him down onto his back and straddles his hips. It’s an almost innocent, playful action and she’s smiling bright and dazzling as she does it. Her dimples enthrall him, and without thinking about it he reaches up to cup her face. She’s so small, he realizes as his thumbs find her dimples. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbles, gazing at her like she lights the stars. His fingers caress her soft hair, his palms envelop her cheeks. “Rey, you’re everything…”

She cuts him off as she pounces, taking his lips in a passionate kiss and owning his mouth. Owning _him_. She’s kissed him this way before, but that was in the backseat of his friend’s car. This time they’re in his bed, _alone_ , and no one is going to interrupt them. Suddenly he’s afraid, of not knowing when to stop, of making her feel uncomfortable or coerced, of doing something wrong to screw it up. 

_Don’t fuck this up_ , he tells himself. 

But his dick isn’t listening. It’s throbbing, aching, and poking where she’s rubbing against him. And it’s so damn embarrassing. 

Maybe he should let her do what she wants to him, that way she’s in control. She knows what she’s doing, she’s done it before. He trusts her. And damn the way she’s kissing him might make his heart explode. 

_“Wanna be king in your story. I wanna know who you are. I want your heart to beat for me. Oh I-“_

“Ummmm…” he moans when he hears the song that’s playing. Every damn time he hears it he thinks of her, and now here she is, _kissing him_ , while it plays. 

“Ahhhh,” she sighs into his mouth, right before she breaks the kiss. He’s confused for a moment, until her hands return to his stomach, and then he’s lost. 

_“Want you to sing to me softly, ‘cause then I’m outrunning the dark. That’s all that lover ever taught me. Oh I-“_

“Take off the shirt,” she whispers as she sits back. Her ass is on the tops of his thighs, and she weighs nothing at all. Then she pulls his pajama top over her head easily, and she’s sparkling as she looks down at him topless. It’s her smile, he realizes as he gazes up at her. That’s why everyone, even cynical Hux, calls her Rey of Sunshine. 

_“Call and I’ll rush out. All out of breath now.”_

“Damn you’re incredible,” he exclaims and she preens at his praise. _“You’ve got that power over me, my my. Everything I hold dear resides in those eyes.”_ She giggles when he sings the line to her. So he continues. _“You’ve got that power over me, my my. The only one I know the only one on my mind. You’ve got that power over me.”_

He leans forward slightly, and they both work together to remove his shirt. And then her hands are all over him, slowly painting his skin with heat and electricity. Her mouth opens into a little o when she touches his neck and the muscles flinch, growing bigger. 

“Shit Ben, you’re a fucking monster,” she giggles. He gasps, but she smiles. “You’re a delicious, sexy monster,” she corrects herself. Suddenly her mouth is on his neck, their bare chests coming together. He can feel her hard pink peaks brush against his skin, and it makes him shiver. 

“Fuck,” he growls, as her teeth rake over his sensitive skin. Her hands move to his arms, testing every muscle and every inch of skin. He’s in heaven. 

“Ben,” she whispers against his ear, before she nibbles at his earlobe. 

He’s gone. He’s so far gone he’s never coming back. He’s hers, there’s no doubt about it. Whether she’s his or not doesn’t matter. 

_“So we hide away and never tell. You decide if darkness knows you well. That lesson of love, all that it was. I need you to see. You’ve got that power over me.”_

He can’t stop his hips from grinding up into her center, seeking the release he knows he could find with her, _in_ her. It feels better, but not good. Not as good as he’s sure she would feel around him. 

“God Ben, you’re so fucking big,” she mutters as her hands move over his stomach and down. 

Before he knows what’s happening one of her hands is inside his pants and his underwear, and he shudders out of pleasure, and fear, and embarrassment. He doesn’t know what to do, how to react. 

“Rey,” he protests. He swears he’s trying to move away, trying to somehow stop himself from allowing her to... _She’s in control_ , he reminds himself. _She knows what she’s doing._

“So wet for me,” she purrs. Her tongue moves down his neck, over his shoulder, before she bites into the thick corded muscle there. Her hand tightens around his dick at the same time, and it’s more than he can take. He leans his head back and moves into her hand. “So big for me Ben.” 

_“You’ve got that power over me,”_ Dermot Kennedy croons soulfully, as if he borrowed Ben’s emotions and wrote a song about them. 

She twists her wrist and strokes harder, faster, moving her own body up and down against his with the same rhythm. Her nipples drag over his chest. Her teeth scrape his skin, before she sucks it into her mouth.

“Rey, holy, fuck, Rey!” he screams as an orgasm crashes into him like the sudden bang of cymbals in a quiet room. 

“Mmmmmmm,” she moans into his neck. 

“Yes, but…” He gasps for breath, trying his hardest to calm his heart, and other parts of his body that are still reacting to her touch. “God!”

“Feel good?” He knows it’s rhetorical, but he still feels the need to answer. 

“Fuck yes,” he growls, before he completely relaxes into the bed. “But you didn’t have to do that.”

“You took such good care of me last night, Ben. You are so good to me.” She removes her hand from his pants, then wipes her palm against his thigh. 

He bangs his head against the headboard, ashamed that he’d gotten his gross fluids on her hand. “You don’t owe me anything,” he assures her. 

She giggles lightly before scooting off his lap. 

He composes himself enough to grab her waist and hold her against him. He searches for her eyes, but she’s looking down at his chest. So he tips her chin up, tilting her face toward his. Finally she meets his gaze. Her pupils are blown, her cheeks are pink. She’s excited, and maybe she even wants him but there’s something else there. Something he can’t name. 

“Show me how to pleasure you back,” he insists. 

She scoffs, and tries to look away. “Ben, you don’t-“

He doesn’t let her finish. “Yes I do have to. I won’t let you make me come without getting the chance to make you come too. Not this time, and not ever.” 

She gasps wide eyed, as if she’s shocked that he thinks she should enjoy it too. 

“I’m sorry that I don’t know how to please you yet, but I want you to teach me. _You_ , Rey. I want you to show me what you like, what _you_ want.” He can hear his voice get deeper, lower, as she involuntarily wiggles her hips and bites at her bottom lip. He rubs at her lip with his thumb, pulling it away from her teeth. Then he leans forward as kisses her, brushing his tongue against the place where she bit into it. She shivers and he groans his response, acknowledging that he knows she likes it. She has taught him how to kiss her, after all. 

She grabs his wrists and brings his hands to her perfect breasts, and they both sigh. Her lips part and his tongue slips inside, dancing with hers in a slow rhythm. He flicks his thumbs against her still hard nipples, and he’s rewarded with a thrust of her hips against his. 

“Ummmm,” he moans. If she keeps that up he’s going to get hard again. 

She guides his right hand down her ribs, over her flat stomach, and lower into her borrowed pants. He feels a light patch of hair, and then her warm slick folds. 

“Yes,” she gasps into his mouth. She guides his fingers down, then back up to the apex and he feels a hard bud there. He found her clit. He wants to cheer when she shivers and grinds against his hand. One thumb massages her clit while the other moves at the same tempo against her nipple. She curls her fingers against his, and his middle finger dips inside her. 

He is inside her! She feels so wet for him as her muscles tighten against the intruder. 

“Yes Ben! Faster!” she encourages. And he complies. He moves with her body as she stretches and rolls, and wiggles against him. After several minutes of following her body’s tempo, she arches her back and cries out, “Yes!” He feels all of her muscles tighten then release. 

Her smile could light sky. She shines so bright she could make the sun jealous. Is he mangling Shakespeare? Maybe, but that’s how she makes him feel. 

“You’re gorgeous. You’re spectacular,” he tells her as she continues to smile at him. Her skin from her cheeks to her chest is stained as pink as her perfect nipples. She is so incredible he can barely believe he _finally_ made her come. 

“Thank you,” she says sweetly, as she leans forward to place a soft kiss on his cheek. 

“I look forward to many more lessons,” he says hopefully. “Next time with my mouth.” 

“Yes!” she cries out excitedly, before pushing away from his chest and rolling off him. “Now let me pee!”

He watches her bounce toward the bathroom. He is sated and happy, maybe happier than he’s ever been. 

He can only hope she feels a fraction of what he’s feeling for her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey. TOGETHER! Finally!!!!!  
> :-D


	17. Anna Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you've never heard Anna Sun by Walk The Moon, please go pull it up on YouTube now.  
> We'll wait on you! :-D
> 
> I know it's been a minute. Have some Ben and Leia fluff, and my apologies!

“ _Firecrackers in the east, my car parked south. Your hands on my cheeks. Your shoulder in my mouth. I was up against the wall on the west mezzanine. We rattle this town, we rattle this scene. Oh Anna Sun!_ ” Rey happily sings at the top of her lungs. And she’s still not quite as loud as his sound system. _“Oh Anna Sun!”_

He’s been sitting in the parking lot of her dorm for five minutes. She hasn’t moved to get out, and when this song came on she turned it up. It doesn’t matter to her that students are walking past on their way to class. Or that she’s sitting in a car with a guy that is not her boyfriend, in the dress she was wearing last night. She seems almost manically undeterred, excitedly singing along while girls who probably live in the same building as her, who probably already know her business, are stealing glances their way. 

_He doesn’t give a shit,_ he tells himself. Let them look. Let them stare. Let them _talk_. He has nowhere to be until the gig tonight, so he’s with her ‘til she’s done. One of the perks of being a senior is no Friday classes. 

But he knows who would take the brunt of the gossip, and he knows it’s not him. 

So when he notices one girl leaning over to whisper to another while they walk past he turns the volume down to merely tolerably loud, hoping she can hear him over it. 

“Hey!” she exclaims, and reaches to turn it back up. 

But he takes her slender wrist in his hand and guides her fingers to his cheek. “I think Walk The Moon is playing in town next weekend. Do you want to go?” 

“Do I want to go? Of course I want to go!” she replies gleefully, and reaches over to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss his cheek. 

“I’ll try to get tickets,” he tells her. 

He knows she has to go to class, and he also knows she’s stalling, but he can’t stop himself from touching her back. Her shoulders are mostly bare, and he’s been aching to touch her for so long. He sweeps her hair away while brushing his fingertips over her skin, and kisses her neck. She smells like him, since she used his shower products and toothpaste, and it’s an intoxicating reminder that they shared a bed last night. He woke up with her this morning. They made out! 

“What time is your class, sweetheart?” he whispers against her ear. 

“I don’t care. I don’t want to go,” she pouts. She looks up at him with her full bottom lip pushed out, but her eyes shine and her dimples are obvious. 

He thinks of all the things they could do if she cut class. He’d love to spend hours with her in his soundproofed spare bedroom which he uses as his “studio”. His mother actually thought it was a good use of her money, reasoning that they could use it as a selling point for a young couple with a baby. They could have a nice expensive lunch, maybe sushi if Rey likes it. Then they could go back to his place so he could have his next lesson in pleasuring Rey before the gig tonight. But they don’t have to do everything all at once. First, she needs to get to her room to change for class. 

“Want to hang out Sunday? We could have sushi,” he offers as he moves away. 

“I have to work until four, but after that…” He can see she’s thinking. Probably about Finn. And he’s okay with that. Well, he’s not really _okay_ , but he understands. “Sure,” she answers. 

He smiles at her as she pulls away. Her hand is on the door when he asks, “Tonight we’re at a different club. Not sure if you’ll be able to get in it’s usually twenty-one and over. I’ll try if you want.” 

“I’ll text you,” she says. She gives him one more quick kiss. 

He nods, and watches as she exits his car in the dress she wore last night, doing the _walk of shame_ toward her dorm. _Her walk of shame is very bouncy_ , he thinks as he admires her behind. Although the sun is out and there are people around everywhere, he watches until she makes it to her door. She turns and waves before she slips inside, and his heart skips a beat. He waves back but she’s already gone. He has to believe she’ll text him. 

His heart starts to race when his phone rings, thinking it might be her. 

His smile quickly turns into a frown when the word MOM shows up on his caller ID. Shit, how did she find out so fast? He lets it ring twice, trying to gather up his courage. And finally, on the third ring, he answers. 

“What’s up, Mom?” he asks, trying not to sound afraid. He’s sure his mother can smell fear, like a shark. Or a former defense attorney. 

“Not your bank account, apparently,” she snaps. And there it is, the proof that he did in fact inherit his mother’s temperament. Sometimes he wishes he was more like his dad, laid back and chill to the point of detached sometimes. 

Before he can even think about making up an excuse, he looks toward the door of her dorm one more time and asks, “Are you in town? I’d like to grab coffee.”

She gasps softly, and turns maternal in an instant. “Is something wrong, Ben? Are you in some kind of trouble?”

“Yea, the worst kind,” he admits. Then he chuckles. 

“You finally have a girlfriend!” she exclaims happily. “How about we meet at 11:30 for sushi? I think this calls for more than just coffee!” 

“You’re on,” he says with a grin. 

*****

Ben pulls up to the restaurant thinking about Leia Organa. It’s been too long since Ben has had lunch with his mom. Or spent any quality time with her at all. She wasn’t happy that her only child chose not to attend her alma mater Yale, especially since she talked the music school up since he was in middle school. If she’d wanted him to attend Yale she should have moved him to Connecticut when he was ten. Ben had a hard enough time making friends, he couldn’t see himself leaving them to go a thousand miles away to college. 

She chose to let Ben make a home and friends in the town where Han went to college, where he returned to take the head coaching job after retiring from the NFL. Leia kept a home in New York so she could continue her political career, but she’s spent more time in DC than anywhere else. She’s spent most holidays with her husband and son, and Ben did spend summers in DC when he was in middle and high school. And Ben even spent part of his gap year working on her re-election campaign. But since he started college she’s been more distant. If he’d known that withdrawing five grand from his bank account would get her attention he’d have done it a long time ago. 

He thinks about all of this as he walks into the restaurant, and tells the hostess, “The Organa party, please.”

She looks him up and down and smiles as she replies, “Right this way, darlin’.” She’s probably the quintessential southern belle, with her big perfect hair and her womanly curves, but Ben barely glances at her. 

“Your new lady friend must be a fucking twelve,” the senator says as he sits down. “You didn’t even look twice at the gorgeous blonde right in front of you.” And of course his mom notices. The woman might as well be the female Sherlock Holmes because of how observant she is. 

“Rey is…” He starts to describe Rey, but he doesn’t know if he could do her justice. 

“Holy shit, you’re in love!” Leia announces, and several people turn to look at them. 

Ben leans his head forward to hide behind his hair, while whining, “Mom!”

If they’d met in New York he would have had to fight all the other diners for her attention. But the people sitting around them didn’t even give her a second glance. And sometimes Ben thinks she likes it. 

She points at him across the table, trying to intimidate him. “You aren’t supposed to fall in love with the first girl you screw, Ben! Hasn’t your father taught you anything?” 

Damn it. Why does his mother have to be so embarrassing? He’d almost forgotten how obnoxious she can be when she thinks no one is looking. “Stop it! We haven’t even…”

“You gave her five grand and you didn’t fu-“ 

The waitress interrupts her just then, placing menus on their place settings. “Hi there! I’m Emma Jean, and I’ll be takin’ care of ya’ll today. What can I bring you to drink?” 

“Bloody Mary,” Leia exhales, obviously frustrated. Then, she remembers her manners. “Please.” 

“Sweet tea,” Ben mutters, staring at the menu so he doesn’t have to look up at the waitress and expose his embarrassment. 

“Shit Ben, you’re turning into one of them,” she groans loudly as the waitress walks away. 

“One of what?” he asks. 

“A Southerner!” she exclaims, as if it’s an insult. 

“I like it here, Mom. It’s slower, there’s less pressure, and the people are nicer.” 

“People like your Rey?” She gives him a sly smile as she says it. “Who is she? Is she old money? Is she Miss Fair Queen Pageant or something ridiculous?” 

“She’s no one,” he admits. Leia sighs, and he stops her before she can tell him how wrong he is. “But not to me.” He pulls out his phone, and it takes seconds to cue up the video. 

When Rey sings, “ _You give me fever_ ,” his mom giggles. “Holy shit Ben you can cut the sexual tension with a knife, even in the video! She’s looking right at you!” He’s sure the tips of his ears are bright red. “So why haven’t you…?”

The waitress sits down their drinks, thankfully sparing Ben any more shame. His mom orders a variety dish for them to share, and ginger salad and Miso soup for appetizers. The waitress must know she’s interrupting, because she takes their orders and hurries off. 

He knows he shouldn’t because his mom can be volatile in the best situations, but he has to vent. “She has a boyfriend.”

“She what!? Ben Organa Solo, you have got to be shitting me!” 

“Mom, would you please just keep your voice down!” he demands. “If you will shut up, I will tell you everything.” 

“Well, if that’s how you want to be,” she grumbles, as she snaps out her napkin before placing it in her lap. 

So Ben tells his petite fireball of a mother the entire story, all about Ben’s unrequited love, the torture of watching her with Finn, the flirtations over karaoke, and last night when Rey told him all about her shitty childhood. 

“She doesn’t even have a new pair of shoes, Mom.” He feels all of his emotions pour out of him. "She has this amazing gift, and she’s doing everything right, but she’s been hurt beyond belief. I just want to be the one who can finally make her life a little easier.” 

Leia wipes her cheek with the back of her hand, showing that she is also just as sensitive as her son. She has to clear her throat and take a sip of water before she can talk. And when she does, it’s completely unexpected. “You and your father, neither of you do anything half-assed, do you? Even the love story is epic.” 

“Well, I wouldn’t say epic,” he corrects her. 

“Oh bullshit. It’s just beautiful, Son. Beautiful.” She sputters, and wipes her cheek again. “Where should I write the check?” She has the nerve to pull out her wallet in the middle of the restaurant, and start writing the check. 

“What?” Ben gasps, taken aback. 

“Well I can’t let my son be the most soft hearted, altruistic person in the family now can I? Your girl could obviously use the money, and I should admit I have way too much of it. With your grandfather Anakin’s estate still paying outrageous royalties, and Padme’s stocks and bonds still growing interest and dividends,” she prattles off. 

“Mom,” Ben argues, at the reminders of her vast wealth. 

“Not to mention her jewelry. That woman never met a diamond she didn’t like.” Ben has to chuckle at that. “And the Organa banking fortune is nothing to sneeze at.” 

“Yes Mother you have a lot of money. What are you going to do with it?” 

“Do you think she might need a car? I just bought a new Jaguar and thought I’d give you the Mercedes. Do you think Rey would like it? It is four years old. Maybe she’d like a new one instead.” 

“I think that might be a little much right now. But you could still ship it down.” His eyes go wide when he sees the four zeros on the check. “Mom!”

“Not enough?” Leia asks with a chuckle, as she pats his hand. 

“No, I think it’s actually a good start,” he replies, which makes his mom gasp. 

He’s glad he asked her out to lunch, and not just because of the check he has in his pocket. He’s glad he got the chance to catch up with her on his turf. She’s always happier when she’s here with her husband and son, even if she doesn’t like to admit it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The hardest thing about The Rise of Skywalker is knowing we won't get a mother and son reunion. God that kills me!
> 
> Thanks everyone for reading and commenting!


	18. Complainer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! It's been a minute, but hopefully the writer's block wall that I've been living behind is busted for good! Please enjoy this new chapter!
> 
> And thanks to everyone who checked in on me. I'm fine, thanks for asking!
> 
> I truly love Cold War Kids, and I'm thinking I might work in another one (or two) of their songs! You can only change yourself!

He’s sitting under his tree with his physics book, listening to Cold War Kids in one ear, while listening for Rey’s laughter with the other. 

“ _I can’t stand waiting around to dance. Don’t wanna talk, already know what I want. You got big plans but you never take a chance. When will you stop wondering who you are? I showed you mine now show me yours. Are you down to get serious?”_

“I thought you’d be here. So what happened last night?” Gwen asks from behind him, and makes him jump half way out of his skin. He still has no idea how she moves so quietly. “Taking care of a puking Rey probably isn’t what you signed up for, huh?”

“I’m fine. She’s fine. Everything’s fine,” he says as he subconsciously touches his front pocket where his mom’s check is practically burning a hole. “How are you?”

She chuckles as she plops down onto the ground beside him. “You might be worse at lying that Mitaka.” She nudges him with enough force to tip him off balance. “I heard all about it in Constitutional Law. Minka heard it from Jenna who heard it from-“

Ben suddenly turns toward Gwen, giving her all of his attention. “What?” He practically growls the word. 

“You took her home this morning, and-“ she starts, with a devious grin.

“You know she spent the night with me. You sent her to my house,” he replies with a shrug.

“She kissed you in your car. You kissed her neck.” She moves her shoulders in a sassy way, and her head bobs to the side with the rhythm. 

“For fuck’s sake,” Ben grumbles. He had a feeling word would travel through the school, but he had no idea it would happen so fast! 

Gwen places her hand on Ben’s shoulder. “That’s not the worst of it.”

“What then?” he asks as he covers his eyes with his big hand. The same hand that touched Rey earlier. The same fingers that were inside her. He shivers as he remembers every moment of having Rey in his bed. 

“Well rumor has it that someone saw Rey and Finn arguing outside her dorm.” She pauses for a moment and touches his shoulder again. “She was crying.” 

“If he hurt her I swear I will fuck up his entire world.” Ben stands, barely able to contain his anger and aggression. 

“Calm down Ben,” his friend coos as he begins to pace. When he won’t settle she stands and places her taller frame in front of his. “This happens when relationships fall apart. They’ll fight. She’ll cry. She’ll heal. Then she’ll be free to come to you.” 

Ben stops pacing but still doesn’t look up at her. Gwen might be right. This might be what needs to happens so that Rey can finally be free. 

“Hey asshole!” 

Ben looks up when he hears the angry voice, and he looks up just in time to avoid a sloppily thrown punch. 

“Stop!” Gwen yells, and tries to step between Ben and Finn, who is obviously enraged. 

“Get the fuck out of my way!” Finn shouts, trying to step around Gwen to get to Ben. 

Ben shoves Finn hard enough that the younger man stumbles backward. 

“Enough!” Gwen states decisively as she finally stands her ground between the two angry men. “You’re both adults! Stop acting like children on the playground!” 

“He got Rey drunk and took advantage of her!” Finn spit out, trying to go around Gwen to point into Ben’s chest. 

“Is that why you’re angry? Ben left before Rey started drinking, just like you did Finn,” Gwen counters pointedly.

Finn takes a breath, but his anger doesn’t subside. This time he aims it at Gwen. “Are you trying to blame me?”

“Hey, tone it down when you talk to her,” Ben orders.

“So you’re the one who let an underage girl drink?” Finn’s voice gets defiantly louder.

Ben doesn’t give Gwen a chance to argue, although the look in her eyes says she’s ready to fight. “You didn’t have a problem with it when she was giving you beer. What’s the difference between you drinking and Rey-“

“Rey’s an alcoholic,” Finn blurts out, and the anger in all three of them seems to dissipate immediately, replaced by shock and guilt. “Yea, she’s been clean and sober for over a year, and suddenly…”

“And you think it’s a good idea to bring her to parties where you know you’ll be drinking?” Gwen’s voice holds just enough accusation to betray her interest in becoming a lawyer if the band doesn’t work out. 

Finn’s deflated now, but he still tries to defend himself. “I didn’t see her drinking, so I thought…”

“You just thought you’d leave her with virtual strangers in a house full of alcohol, and assume she’d be okay when you didn’t tell anyone she shouldn’t be drinking?” Gwen’s going in for the attack now, and Finn’s actually flinching. 

“That’s enough Gwen,” Ben interrupts. He can see the shame and guilt in Finn’s expression, his wide eyes. 

Gwen gets right up in his face to spit out, “Fuck you, asshole. You should have told someone.” Then she steps away, right into Mitaka who immediately wraps his arm around her shoulder. 

Ben was so upset, so laser focused on Finn he didn’t even see Mitaka arrive. He makes sure Gwen okay before he says, “You had a responsibility to take care of Rey.”

Finn huffs. “I know, okay. But she’s been so good that I thought she could handle it.” 

Ben’s hyper aware that people are watching them, maybe even listening. He looks around, and notices Rey stopped halfway between the building and the quad, watching everything. 

“Anyway, I don’t think you should contact her. You need to let me deal with Rey.” 

“You’ve done such a good job so far,” Gwen snarks back. 

“I think Rey should decide who and what she wants,” Ben replies. He’s still looking at Rey. She quickly turns and runs toward her dorm. “Rey!” he calls after her, but she’s too far away to hear him. 

“Just leave her alone Solo,” Finn warns before he follows after her. 

Ben can only stand and watch. 

Gwen wraps a reassuring arm around his waist, and rests her head on his shoulder. “You have to let it play out, Ben. It’s the only way.” 

He knows she’s right. He doesn’t like it, but she’s right. He has to let their relationship end, so he can be with Rey. All he can do is be here for her and give her whatever support she needs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the pain train!


	19. Do I Wanna Know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to get past this writer's block somehow, so I shut myself in the office and decided today is the day. I am not stepping away from the computer until I write SOMETHING!   
> So I opened my word document for Ben Solo Hates Rey Jones to start writing, and I found this at the end of the document. I have no idea why I never posted it, but here it is.

Ben is in his bed staring at his phone, reading the text he sent Rey for what feels like the thousandth time. 

**I hope you’re okay. Please be okay.**

She hasn’t replied yet. He couldn’t sleep while waiting for her to answer, he was too worried about her. All he could think about was fixing this for her. Helping her. Protecting her. From herself if he had to. 

_Please, please be okay Rey._

Suddenly three little bubbles pop up, and they pulse in a rhythm that captures his heart. He stares at it, drumming the rhythm with his fingertips against the back of his phone. Just as suddenly as they appeared, they disappear. He frowns at the phone, prepared to throw it at the closest surface. Then they appear again, and he gasps. He’d never felt so much anticipation, and it is killing him. 

And then words replace the bubbles. 

**I am okay Ben. I talked to my sponsor. She talked me down. She made me remember what I’d fought so hard for.**

He sighed loudly, realizing that he’d been holding his breath. Next he actually has to think of a response that will keep the conversation going. Something that doesn’t include telling her how much he’d thought about what an asshole Finn was to take the beers from Gwen, or what a dick he was for drinking at the house parties. And he knew what she was going through, and still drank around her. And he’s not even old enough to drink! There was no scenario where he didn’t look like a dick for drinking underage around his alcoholic girlfriend. 

He wanted to talk shit about Finn, but he knew she would get protective and start defending him. He couldn’t take it if she got mad and didn’t talk to him over Finn.

Before he could think of something witty she continued. 

**My sponsor wondered if I broke up with Finn, since I mentioned a guy named Ben so many times.**

Fucking shit stacks. How was he supposed to answer _that_? 

The dots appear again, and he knows he has to come up with a response. She’s not even seeing dots, for fuck’s sake!

So his fingers hit **I’m so** … But that doesn’t feel like enough. **I want** … Nope, it’s not about him. **I wish** … No! This is not a fairytale. It’s real fucking life and it hurts more than he ever thought possible. 

**Tell me what you need. Tell me how I can help you.**

He hits send before he can change his mind. He reads it and rereads it, wondering if he fucked up yet again. 

**I know you sent me the money. I asked Mitaka when we were alone in the car and he said it wasn’t you but I think he was lying.**

Mitaka really is a terrible liar. Ben could deny it was him, but why? 

**You need it and I have extra. Don’t feel bad. Buy your books or pay your loans.**

She doesn’t answer. So he continues. **I’m not talking about money. I’m talking about how I can help you. If you want to talk I’m always here for you. Whatever you need to feel safe and protected.**

She still doesn’t respond to that. Not even bubbles. He looks at the clock and sees it’s after midnight, and he knows she has an early class tomorrow. Maybe she’s gone to sleep? Then he sees the dots. 

**Thank you Ben. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.**

Before he can answer, without any dots popping up, he gets another text. 

**And thank you for the money. I know you didn’t do it to win brownie points. You did it to help me and I appreciate that.**

_I would do anything for you._ That’s what he wants to say, but he knows that might be too much. 

**You’re a great friend. The best. I mean that.**

And with that statement, Ben Solo has officially been friend zoned. 

He growls as he throws his phone. He tries not to care where it hits, but he’s happy when it lands on the end of his bed. Maybe she’ll invite him over to help her pick out dresses for her dates with Finn. Maybe she’ll ask to braid his hair. Yes, girls in the band have asked him that before, and he never understood why. Or maybe she’ll ask him to help her wax her…

His phone dings, indicating he has a text. He shouldn’t be so excited about being in the friend zone, and he’s embarrassed by how his pulse races knowing it’s her that’s texting him. 

**Good night Ben.** She follows that up with a few snoring emojis and some ZZZs. 

He looks at his phone, then glances down at his plaid sleep pants and crimson football t-shirt. Maybe if he was tough like his dad, stronger, faster, she’d want him.

No, he can’t do that to himself again. He won’t wish he was something else. Not even for Rey. 

**Good night Rey.**

Being her friend has to be enough. He can’t be more if she doesn’t want it. But she did tell her sponsor about him, so that should mean something, right? Maybe there is still hope. Maybe after she figures it all out she will decide what she wants. And Ben will be waiting right here for her. Alone. 

Well, alone with Hux, Gwen, and Mitaka of course. 

He opens Spotify and Arctic Monkeys comes on. And of course it’s just so perfect for the night. Great now this song will be stuck in his head for days. 

_Have you got color in your cheeks? Do you ever get the fee that you can’t shift the tides, like somethin’s in your teeth? And have some aces up your sleeve. I had no idea that you’re in deep. I dreamt about you nearly every night this week. How many secrets can you keep? Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow, when I play it on repeat until I fall asleep._

How does Spotify know what he’s going through?


	20. Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's an HFN for our lovely couple. Thanks everyone for reading! I appreciate all the comments and good vibes, and all the support!   
> Maybe I will kick this block's ass eventually!

She wasn’t at the gig last night. She didn’t sing the anthem at the game today. And she hasn’t texted him. He hasn’t messaged her either, thinking maybe she needed some time to think. 

He definitely hasn’t figured it out. He knows she and Finn have a past. He knows they’ve been through a lot. But he also knows how she reacted to him in his bed and in his car. He knows she felt something for him, and not just friendship. 

He’s trying to focus on the lyrics as he sings, “Has someone taken your faith? It’s real, the pain you feel. Your trust you must confess. Is someone getting the best the best the best the best of you? Ohhhh!” But he can’t stop thinking about Rey. He’s beating the hell out of his drums, because the end of the song is one huge drum solo. But it doesn’t feel better. _He_ doesn’t feel better. He just feels miserable not knowing. If he knew that she wanted Finn, he could deal with it and move on. 

He’s gulping water after screaming the end of _The Best Of You_ when he looks up at Gwen, moving away from the microphone. She’s supposed to sing the punk version of Taylor Swift’s _Shake It Off_ , which fits Gwen to a T _._ It’s one of the band’s favorite songs. He follows her movements, and sees Rey climbing up the steps to the stage. 

She’s wearing a short denim mini and rainbow legwarmers, which Ben hasn’t seen before. Gwen hugs her, and waves her toward center stage. Rey turns to Mitaka with a smile and a wave, and he nods and starts tuning his guitar. Then she turns to Hux who rolls his eyes. 

Has Rey already planned this out with his band, without including him? 

Mitaka starts the beginning guitar riff, and chill bumps cover Ben’s arms. He knows he’s supposed to come in here somewhere, but he can’t. He’s captivated by Rey’s amazing voice, and the song she chose to sing. 

“Something in the way he moves attracts me like no other lover. Something in the way he moves me. I don’t want to leave him now. You know I believe and how.” 

Gwen picks up the bass line, and Hux starts the synth part, and Ben can’t move. He can barely breathe. 

“Somewhere in his smile he knows that I don’t need no other lover. Something in his smile that shows me. I don’t want to leave him now. You know I believe and how.” 

Ben finally joins in at the bridge, but Mitaka doesn’t really need the help. He’s doing a fantastic job on the solo.

“You’re asking me will my love grow? I don’t know, I don’t know. You stick around now, it may show. I don’t know oh, I don’t know.” 

She smiles at him and his entire being is blanketed in her happiness. He knows that she chose him, and the relief he feels is indescribable. If she wasn’t in the middle of a song he’d run to her, pick her up and spin her around. 

“Something in the way he knows, and all I have to do is think of him. Something in the things he shows me. I don’t want to leave him now. You know I believe and how.”

He’s glad when the song is finally over. He drops his sticks and steps around the drums, and she lunges forward, and suddenly she’s in his arms. 

“Rey,” he murmurs as he spins her around.

“Ben,” she replies, before she starts giggling. 

He feels his jaw grinding at the words he’s afraid to say. But he has to know. “Does this mean you want me?” he asks, as he sets her down and holds her at arm’s length so he can look at her pretty face. He sees so much hope there, and maybe even a little love. 

“I want to try with you Ben. I know everything won’t be perfect. I know we’ll have to work through some things. But I know it’s you Ben.” Her voice is full of emotions, _good_ emotions, when she says it. 

He hears applause, and remembers that they’re at a gig, and she just confessed her feeling in front of the entire crowd of at least fifty college students. Maybe they know Rey. Maybe they’ll gossip. Maybe Monday morning it will be all over the school that Rey broke up with her boyfriend Finn for Ben Solo. 

But he doesn’t want to worry about that right now. He has other things in mind. “Will you be my girlfriend, Rey?” 

“Yes Ben,” she answers quickly. “Yes!”

“We’re going to take a little break, and when we come back our very own Lieutenant Kitten will be joining us to do a special remake. Don’t go anywhere, and tip the wait staff!” Gwen exclaims, before she approaches the newly minted couple and joins in a group hug.

“I liked Lady Edge,” Mitaka mumbles as he also joined in the hug.

“Don’t be ridiculous. She’s obviously more of a kitten than an edge,” Hux states dramatically, as he too threw his arm around the group. 

Mitaka frowns, but doesn’t argue. 

Ben smiles maybe his happiest smile ever. He has a girlfriend who he really liked, who is beautiful, talented, and charming. She would be accepted into his group of friends without hesitation. She had the most beautiful voice he’d ever heard. And she likes Ben too. 

He could plan out everything in his head, from her touring with the band to their getting married, and maybe having some little Solos running around, singing and playing music.

But he wouldn’t rush it. He would be satisfied with this now. He would be happy being Rey’s boyfriend, as long as she would have him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this ties up the story for everyone. Rey and Ben are happy now, and that's what really matters. Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> We'll see if the idea for this one goes over better than the last one... :)
> 
> Tell me what you think.


End file.
